Well, I managed to relieve my extreme case of cabin fever today. After about 3 feet of snowfall over the past two days, we finally managed to dig out. I'm glad now that it finally snowed. Even though I hate shoveling the stuff. It now feels like winter is here. I guess we're gonna get another storm on Christmas Eve. Let it come... we're ready for it!! Mostly :-)

I finally heard from Games Workshop today. They are flying me to LA on the 11th of January. I'm a bit frustrated that they moved to back but, I'm glad the ball is at least rolling. It's probably for the best anyhow... It'll give me time to get my settlement and take care of some loose ends.

Tommorrow I go to see the "Two Towers" again. This time with the whole family. What an awesome movie. I'm looking forward to seeing it again... and again... and again... etc.

Oh, to wait another year. This year is now complete. "Lord of the Rings, Two Towers" was everything I had hoped. Rarely does a movie bring tears to my eyes. This one did! What an awesome spectacle. I have not the words to describe it. GO SEE THE MOVIE!!!! I plan to see it at least a few more times.

Still no word from Games Workshop. I will continue to wait patiently. However, I am eager to get things going.

I must say that I hope Peter Jackson gets some recognition this year for this movie. I mean besides "Best Special effects". I will give them one more chance to reward good work. However, I suspect that some corny half witted movie will get the accolades instead, like what happened last year.

Still waiting on Games Workshop... I got impatient yesterday and sent them an email. I was told that I'd be contacted sometime after the 15th. I hope they don't want to see me on the 18th. That's the day that Two Towers comes out. Even if they do I'll go. I'm really excited about going to work for them.

Tonight I took one of the goons and we went to see "Star Trek Nemesis" Pretty good movie overall. They make a few errors but for the most part I wasn't disappointed. In the past I've been VERY critical of the Star Trek movies because the script amounts to nothing better than a glorified television episode. But, this one wasn't that way. I also liked it because the battle scene was reminiscent of our Star Fleet battles games. I hate when they fly giant starships around like they're jet fighters.

Only 4 more days till "Lord of the Rings: Two Towers"

It's getting closer to snowing here. Today it started raining pretty good and it's getting colder. So, I expect to be shoveling the white powder soon.

Today the wife and I went to Walmart and did some much needed Christmas shopping. We figured that we should get the basic stuff before the stores get cleaned out. Overall we spent about $400 which includes $50 in blankets for all the kids. I think we'll have a pretty good Christmas this year. If anything... We'll be in the spirit of the season. I'm just happy that we finally have wood. I guess as I get older I have less of a tolerance for the cold. With a fire blazing these past few nights the house has been very toasty.

My oldest daughter is getting harder to deal with. I know she's starting into puberty because she is very moody. Today she was okay but over the weekend she was hard to deal with. God give me the grace and patience to deal with her.

Time seems to be dragging on... School is about done for the semester, my Lawyer says we should have a settlement reached by the end of this week, and I'm still waiting to see what happens with Games Workshop. Not taking things for granted, I think it's a done deal that I'm hired, it's just a matter of when. Also, I still wonder about the Seattle thing. Is that really where I'll be going? It's all up in the air.

Only 15 more days until I see "The Two Towers" I know I'm obsessing about it but that movie is going to be awesome. Unfortunately, it falls on my 4th daughters birthday so I'm going to have to find a way to incorporate it into her celebration. Also, I'm worried that Games Workshop will want me in LA at that time.

It's been getting really cold lately and we're out of wood. The weatherman says it may snow as soon as next week. I'M NOT READY FOR SNOW!!! Like I said before I'm still in the mood for summer. That's what 8 years of Mordor will do to you. Thank God for delivering me from that place.

Well, we had another great Turkey Day this year. My darling ife made a huge feast for us and we pigged out. And of course as usual Jerkous shows up just as we are cutting in the food. It's kinda freaky the way he does that. Anyway, I think the wife outdid her self this year. The feast came out better than in year's past. Age will d that to you I guess. LOLOLOL

I've been contemplating alot about the possibility of moving to Seattle. I'm a bit apprehensive but the idea of working for Games Workshop really gets me going. It's kind of exciting facing a positive future of change. A sharp contrast from last year.

The news came today... I finally heard back from Games Workshop and they are definitely interesed in hiring me. They said I made a good impression at the Recruitment Day. Now, I have to meet with the District managers in about 2 weeks and talk with them. I guess their gonna fly me to LA for a meeting. The catch in this whole situation is that I won't be going to Virginia right away. In fact, their probably gonna be sending me to Seattle for about a year. I guess they just opened 3 stores up there and they need managers in a bad way. That's no problem though... Two of my sisters live near Seattle. So, this could be the chance to hang out with them for a while and let my children get to know their cousins.

Today we took a trip to the city to shop a bit a Walmart and look into possibly getting another car. As much as I like our minivan I think she's getting tired. The old girls got 150K miles on her! Anyway, we are trying to get approved to get a Ford Expedition. It's just about the only reasonable vehicle that can seat 8 people. Anyway, we should find out tommorrow if we are approved. I doubt it really... the SUV lists at 20K. By God's grace I guess.

While we were at Walmart we bought the "Lord of the Rings" collectors edition. The DVD had some awesome scenes that were cut out of the main movie. We watched it tonight and were in awe. It's a shame those scenes were cut out but, they do amount to 30 mins of additional stuff. I'm so glad we bought it. Only 22 more days until the opening of "The Two Towers".

Anyway, we're getting ready to have Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday and again with my Dad on Friday. I think we have ALOT to be thankful for this year.

Well, I continue to wait with baited breath for Games Workshop to get back to me. They said it would take 7 to 10 days for them to make a decision and today is day 7. I wonder if they meant actual days or working days? Anyway, right now all our future plans hinge on what they decide. Frankly, this feels blessed so I think it'll happen(by God's grace of course).

On a brighter note(I think) I found out today that I am still officially employed by the Mordor Sheriff's Department. Apparently, They are still trying to get out of vocational rehabilitation for me so they reinstated me and are looking at other positions in the county to place me in. Kinda hilarious if you ask me. That means I've been employed there for 18 months or so but only really worked 4 months. Go figure! Anyway, it is a bit of a relief to me because I was worried about them bashing me to Games Workshop when they do their background check. Apparently, my lawyer says they can only tell them when I as hired and if i've been reprimanded for anything.

In other news, tonight we went to see the new Bond movie "Die Another Day". That was a damn good movie. In fact, I'd say it was the best Bond movie yet! My son went and throughly enjoyed the show. Now when we play together he's James Bond and I'm Spiderman.

Finally, some bad news... I went to court today with my Armenian friend and yet again they are drawing out his whole case. It's been 13 months for him not being able to return to police work. I think he's seriously starting to go stir crazy. In fact, both him and his wife are at the ends of their ropes. I guess his wife has been having anxiety attacks the past few days. Bad enough to force her into the hospital last night. I feel so bad for them. I've been praying alot. I swore to him that if this isn't resolved before I get my settlement then I'll pay to help them move away. I hope that doesn't happen because I think he'll lose alot of respect for himself. Lets hope that God's mercy will be revealed before he breaks.

Well, I'm back from Baltimore, and in one piece. Man what an exciting trip!! I greatly enjoyed meeting the mucky mucks from Games Workshop. I recognized many of them from various articles in White Dwarf magazine. Anyway, Friday's activities were fun, and I think I was able to make a great impression on them. In the end they all seemed to remember my name and were paling around with me like I was one of them. Also, as I was getting in the taxi to leave the VP of US operations came and personally shook my hand thanking me for coming. Now I have to wait a week to find out what they decided.

On Friday night after the event I got to go to the Battle Bunker and main US store for Games Workshop. Oh man! I was in heaven. I saw stuff that I've never seen before. Mostly, from GW's Forge World operation in England. Anyway, I played a short game and had alot of fun. I sure do hope they hire me. The energy and excitement in that place is what I want, and would be the most awesome place to work.

I'm glad to be home. As a kind of celebration we all went to see the new Harry Potter movie tonight. A few weeks ago I finally saw the first movie and I liked it alot... much to my surprise. Anyway, this new movie is pretty good as well. I'd recommend it to anyone. However, I'm sure it pales in comparison to the "Two Towers" coming out in 30 more days. I can hardly wait!!!

Of final note, my wife told me about an interesting conversation she had with Tess while I was gone. I guess Tess's turd of an ex-husband is moving away and she has to take custody of her son. Of course, her turd of a boyfriend still doesn't want the boy around so she is forced to move out. From what I gather that's when my wife laid it on the line for her that we may be going far far away and can't help her. I feel kinda sorry for her. But, she's pretty much burned all her bridges. I'm guessing she thought I was not serious when I told her she wasn't coming back into our lives. Now she knows the truth. I'm too old to play games, and I'm not as forgiving as I once was. The truth be told, without me to interceed on Tess's behalf I knew that my wife would give up on her. She's even less tolerant than I am.

Well, I'm up early and getting ready to go to Baltimore for the Games Workshop recruitment day. God willing everything will go well. I'm a bit nervous about flying. After 9/11 I kinda told myself I'd never fly again but, here I go!

Oh well, if terrorists take over my plane I can go out like I've always wanted to... Fighting. LOLOLOL

I should be back on Sunday so I'll update then.

What a good day!! My son had his birthday party today and we invited a few friends over. My dad showed up and we proceeded to make a good old fashioned Armenian meal. However, we couldn't BBQ the lamb so we roasted it in the oven. And of course, my sweetie had to burn the oil while making pilaf driving everyone out of the house coughing and gaging. In the end it was a great meal. The boy got tons of presents and is currently on the floor playing with a giant robot.

Earlier today I stapled some plastic on the outside of the sliding glass door. Oh my God, I can't believe how much of a difference it made to keeping this place warm. I think we may be able to survive the winter. I'm hoping to seal up windows in the girls rooms to see how much more we can conserve energy and stay warm.

I bought my $500 dollar plane ticket to Baltimore yesterday. I'm flying out to the Games Workshop recruitment day next Thursday. Today I got a packet from them telling me about the job. I am impressed!!! I think I have the talent, knowhow, and ambition to really do well working for them. We'll see after next week.

Lastly, I took an online IQ test last night and came out very surpised. When I was a kid I tested at a 130 IQ. Here's the results of this test:

Thank you for recently taking the Self Discovery Workshop's IQ Test.
Because of the Internet's ability to mishandle transmissions, we are
reconfirming via email that your IQ Test score was: 150

Our test usually gets within 5 points of the professional tests--a
remarkable feat for a 13 minute test.

Average: 85 - 115
Above average: 116 - 125
Gifted Borderline Genius: 126 - 135
Highly gifted and appearing to be a Genius to most others: 136 - 145
Genius: 146 - 165
High Genius: 166 - 180
Highest Genius: 181 - 200
Beyond being measurable Genius: Over 200

Now I've always known I was smart... But genius!?!?!?

Yeah, it makes sense ;-)

We went to see "My big fat Greek wedding" tonight. What a hilarious movie. I'd highly recommend it to anyone. When I was a kid I went to a couple Greek weddings with my Dad. they were great. Also, the wife and I was married in the Orthodox Church so we know alot of the hidden jokes in the movie. Not that a novice wouldn't understand. One part in the movie kinda brought tears to my eyes. It's when the bride entered the room. It brought me back to our own wedding when my wife entered the room. I never thought a woman can look so beautiful, and I've never seen one look that good since. Perhaps that is the true meaning of being married in the Church. To fall in love with someone like never before.

Anyway, I got great news today. Our room in the haunted house last night took first place. We had about 100 people come through in 3 hours. I guess the judges decided unanimously that we were the best. It makes me proud because I gave up going trick or treating with the kids to do that. Oh well, the kids got a ton of candy anyway.

I got the invitation yesterday to attend the recruitment day for Games Workshop. Today we went to price tickets and it'll cost us about $350 just for airfare. Then another $150 for a motel and $50 bucks for a rental car. I don't have enough money! :-( So, I'm gonna ask my Dad to see if he wants to go. I don't know what he'll say. Afterall, the job would take me across the country from him. Hopefully I'll get ahold of him tonight and I'll know. I'd hate to pass up this opportunity.

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. I've been busy setting up for the haunted house we're doing tommorrow. It should be fun... I get to be the executioner in a torture chamber. I think we'll be a shoe-in to win the first place prize. The only thing that is bugging me is that we got our grubby hands on a real skeleton to hang on the wall like a forgotten prisoner. I'm sure it's the remains of a female. I just hope her spirit doesn't get mad at me for putting her bones on display.

This week I sent off my resume to Games Workshop for a series of job openings they have in the Northeast. Today, I got a positive reply asking if I was open to relocating. Of course, for the opportunity to work for my favorite game company I'd move. My wife is excited about it too. She'd be a bit closer to the family. I hope by Northeast they are including Maryland or Virginia. I really fell in love with that place when I went there in '98. We'll see how things turn out. If I get invited to attend their recruitment seminar I'll be going in mid-November.

The cheerleader competition on Saturday was very interesting. The girls placed 6th in the cheer, 3rd in the dance, and 4th overall. It was interesting to watch. I imagine to an outsider is would be a bit like watching zulu tribesmen psyching themselves up for a big hunt. For the first half the event was just basically the girls stomping and cheering trying to get the audience worked up. I tell you... a gymnasium full of about 100 cheerleaders all stomping and cheering can get pretty loud. I'm real proud of the effort that my oldest daughter gave. I still honestly believe that she is one of the best cheerleaders in her squad.

Boy, today has been a crummy day. First off, Tess calls this morning and talks to my wife about how her wonderful boyfriend may buy some land up here. Oh goodie, another flatlander with vacation property. Oh, she makes me so angry. I'm absolutely fed up with her stupid games. I wish she'd just go away. Needless to say she got my day off to a poor start.

Then I go to my Armenian friends house for a birthday party for his boys. Before the party begins he leaves to go to the police station to talk with the Lieutenant, and doesn't come back. So, I'm stuck there listening to the kids carry on for two hours. Talk about maddening.

Finally, we went to the playoff football game for the team that my oldest daughter cheers for. It was cold and miserable and I had to sit there in the stands for 2 more hours watching my wife run ragged trying to keep up with these sniviling, bratty, preteenaged girls. Then it occured to me. The team Mom that my wife was having so much trouble with was just sitting in the sidelines watching the squad act like little babies. In my opinion, this is all my wifes fault for not asking the team mom to help her more. I think my wife has a pride problem and is trying to take the whole thing on herself and failing. It's sad because it's too late in the season to fix it.

Tommorrow, we head to the central valley for the final cheerleader competition. We have to check in at 7am and hang out the whole day so that our girls can do two dances. Who is the moron that thought this thing up. 7am?

Of course, I have to bear the brunt of this thing because I have to keep track of the kids while my wife coaches the team. I know it's gonna be a disaster. To top it off my shoulder has been hurting alot lately with the cold weather and I have no pain medication left. So needless to say I will be short on temper.

One last thing that has me in a quiet rage is that the restaurant where my wife works has been calling her in for some odd shifts lately. I mean lately as in since the end of summer. And yes a couple times they've called her in and I had to miss school. Anyway, what burns me the most is that she jumps at the chance to work which leaves me at home with the kids night after night. That combined with cheerleading practice is making things unbearable. I wish my wife could understand that we need her here more than we need the few bucks she's gonna make waiting tables for minimum wage. I can't help but think she does it just to get away from us.

I'm not ready for summer to be over with yet. Today is another cold autumn day and I'm dreading the coming winter. I've just spent he last 8 years of my life in perpetual winter. Oh well, the falling leaves are a pretty sight and the myriad of colors around here sure reminds me why I love living here.

I got my Chaos Codex this week and I am very happy with the changes the designers made in my favorite game. I played a game last night with the two goons(Tess's brother and Ed monster)and I kicked their butts!! I need to purchase a couple things to add to my army so that I can kick butt at Dundracon next year. With the changes, I think I'll be amped to attend more conventions next year. I may even head to LA for a Games Workshop Grand Tournament.

Enought of that... My Dad is doing well. He's home and trying to adapt to his new lifestyle. He seems to be a bit more energetic than before the bypass. But, I think he's kinda going stir crazy not being able to drive. I'm headed up there on Monday with my Armenian friend.

Speaking of my Armenian friend... I'm such an idiot!! I got into a fender bender with his wife on Tuesday. No one was hurt. But, it busted up her bumper pretty good. I'm so angry because I haven't had an accident in such a long time. I hope my insurance rates don't go up. They got an estimate for $800 to repair the damage.

Well, there's not much else to report. I'm still doing well in school despite not having a text book for astronomy. Who says that being a Star Trek fan won't help you in life :-)

It's getting closer to Halloween and I've volunteered to help with the local haunted house with a friend. We are building a torture room theme. Yesterday we got to see the room where we are setting up. It's bigger than we thought. It includes a cargo elevator with a cool gate that looks like a dungeon cell. So, it should be good. We're hoping to win the award.

I'm waiting on pins and needles for my Chaos Codex today. It'sthe brand new edition with tons of changes and imprvements. They said I should receive it by the 19th. I hope so Lately I've been reading posts from a Chaos discussion group and it seems like everyone has the Codex but me. From what I gather... It was released in Europe, and Australia first. Then it kinda filters across the US from Games Workshop's main office in Maryland. Of course, since I'm in rural California I think I'm the last person in the world to get it. :-)

Speaking of Games Workshop... They are having a recruitment day at their main office next month for people to manage a string of new stores they are planning on opening. Oh, I'm so tempted to apply for those positions. However, it would mean that I would not open my own store, and I would have to relocate to some big city. I think I may apply for it anyway. Just to see if they like me.

Well, sorry I haven't updated this thing in a while. With my Dad's condition and ongoing stress with everything else, I've been too busy to do much on the internet besides read email.

My Dad underwent heart bypass surgery today in Modesto. I can't talk to him directly but from what I understand he came through with flying colors and is now sleeping soundly in ICU. I'm not sure if he had a double or a triple bypass. Unfortunately, this means he has to slow his life down. No more 4X4 excursions for a while or long trips around the world. I know that is gonna be the hardest on him. I always feared that if my Dad stopped traveling it would herald the end of his days. Time will tell.

On Monday I drove to our illustrious state capitol to see the Doctor about my injury. This examination is to determine the extent of my injury, to establish my level of disability, and my eligibility for vocational rehabilitation. Unfortunately, this doctor takes about a month to issue any reports or findings. So, that means I'm left waiting... Again! Also, I was informed by my lawyer today I will no longer receive temporary disability benefits. All the money the insurance company sends me will be taken from my final settlement. So, that means tommorrow I go to the local unemployment office to find a temporary job to get us by until we get a settlement.

Finally, Bear has been writing me lately telling me about his move to Oregon. He asked me to find his grandfather's rifle for him. Well, I did but it's gonna cost him a chunk of change to get it back. I'm committed to helping him get his family heirloom, but I am suspicious of his sincerity. At this point I'm positive that he is being nice to me because he wants something from me. In many ways I still wish we could be friends again. Perhaps this will be the ultimate test.

I'm more than a little shook up today... My Dad called me from Southern California to tell me he just got out of ICU after having a heart attack. As far as I know this is the first time he's had something like this happen. I don't know how bad the attack was but I imagine it was pretty bad. I guess he's coming home soon. I'll find out more then. I do know that I'm going to have to take a much more active role in helping him in the future.

I know I've said alot of bad things about my Dad in the past. And for many years I've borne a tremendous grudge against him. But, this kind of thing makes it easy to forget about such things. I realized when my Mom died in 2000 that he was the only parent I really had left in the world. It is a bit scary facing the prospect of being alone in the world. True, my Dad has never done much to help me. But, to not have the morale support is the worst thing.

In other news, we've been getting lucky lately. The local drug store has been remodeling and they are selling off some of their old display cases. So far we've picked up two glass cases and a large magazine rack for our store. As I said before it's the little things that add up that makes us at least feel like we're getting closer to opening our store. I just hope the momentum keeps up.

It's still cold... and I'm still sick. Life hasn't been going well lately.

First, the guy I'm buying my 1861 Springfield rifled musket from says I'm not paying him fast enough and wants it back. A few months back we came up with a contract that would give me until Oct 15th to pay it off. I don't know what he is thinking. I've tried to call him and go by his office but he's never there. Tonight I'm gonna write him a letter in an attempt to talk some sense into him.

Second, I wasn't feeling well today and a little short on cash so I didn't go to my daughters Volleyball game. So of course she comes home and pitches a fit saying I never do anything for her. I got mad and fired back at her... So right now we're not talking to each other. She gets this concept of what family life should be like from watching sitcoms on Nickelodeon. I know this because I listen to those same shows and get mad. She is just in her own little world and has no regard for the feelings of anyone else.

Third, I've been feeling lately like my whole life is just sitting on hold. All my thoughts and focus are on the business yet, I have to deal with little stuff that keeps getting in the way. It frustrates me alot to have no money but a burning ambition and a plan to succeed. I'm just waiting for my settlement money to get things going. Of course, the damned insurance company is going to drag their heels for as long as they can just to make me miserable.

I guess I just need to start painting again. That does alot to curb my frustration and relieve stress. Of course, I don't have much left to paint. When I run out what will I do?

Ugh... it was cold here today. The shivering and huddling up in blankets served to remind me that I need to get wood for the coming winter. However, I still don't know if we're going to have an income next month. I'm waiting until Tuesday to see if I get a check from the insurance company. If not, I'll apply for State Disability or Unemployment. I have to pay the bills a few more months so I can get money to start our business. I just know that when we launch it we're going to be doing well.

Yesterday we all went to the local fish hatchery for another "kids fishing day". This time everyone pulled in our limit of fish which amounts to 18 trout and one bass. While fishing for John, I managed to pull in a good sized trout. I felt kinda bad because I was using my Armenian friend's pole at the time. Later in the evening we all got together for a great big fish fry. Everyone had a great time.

I think the reason we did so much better fishing this time is because my darling wife was there. She is like a beacon of tranquility and reassurance for both me and the kids. I am so blessed to have her in my life. I don't think I would do very well without her.

Another day and no new information about my workmans comp case. I spoke to my lawyer today but she was unable to shed much light on what is happening. It now depends on what the insurance company decides to do next. I may get Vocational rehab which can be used to help us get our business going. We may also settle the case in the next couple months. Again it all depends on what the insurance company wants to do. I do know one thing... I want a reckoning from them. It was their dely in treatment for me that led to the worsening of this injury. The worsening is what puts me out of my chosen vocation. So, when it comes time to negotiate a settlement I won't give an inch. I will use this whole mess to turn things around for this family.

I've been reading up on the revised edition of the Chaos Codex for Warhammer 40K. Wow!!! I am excited about this new book. I was worried that they would screw things up. But, it seems as though they really worked hard to make this new system flexible and workable. I'm looking forward to converting my army over to the new rules. However, it'll be next month before I have the new Codex in my hot little hands. I guess it's the little thing we look forward to that makes life worth living.

I noticed today that the leaves are starting to fall from the bush in front of our house. Also, our giant oak is dropping acorns like mad. I expect to have the kids raking leaves in the next few weeks. It's kinda nice to watch the changing seasons. In Mordor it never changed. I still constantly thank God that I'm free from that place.

Oh woe is me... I made my last visit to the doctor today regarding my shoulder. Seeing little or no improvement from the cortizone shot, he declared me "permenant and stationary". In insurance/workmans comp talk that means there is nothing more they can do for me. He said I could have still have surgery. But, he sees little benefit from cutting on me. I'd have about a 50/50 chance of seeing improvement. As a consequence I am now permenantly partially disabled and in the words of my doctor "unable to return to my former profession". So, my law enforcement career is kaput. The good news is that I qualify for vocational rehab. Whatever that turns out to be.

Needless to say this whole thing has kinda left me blue today. I have no idea what the future holds. I'll talk more with my lawyer tommorrow and I should have a better idea what happens from here.

Today is my Independence Day!!!!! A year ago today I was injured working in the courthouse in Mordor. I have titled it thus because it was the day that lead me leave that dreadful place, and that is certainly something I will celebrate.

We took another step to bring our business to a reality. The wife and I spoke to a web designer about building our webpage to sell stuff online. His price is a bit high but, I got alot a great ideas for designing and marketing the website. I will definitely go with a company that gets our name out there on the web. The more orders we get for merchandise the better. Of course, this still hinges on when we get money. I'm guessing somtime next Spring. The wait is killing us both.

My Armenian friend has been having it hard lately dealing with the ongoing legal drama he's involved in. He's very frustrated because his lawyer won't file anything to suppress the BS evidence they have against him. He says that he's busy with a hundred other cases. I know that isn't very reassuring when your freedom and livelyhood are on the line. I wish I could do something to distract him from this mess.

Ugh! I caught a cold this week that has me walking around like a zombie today. I'm on the usual routine of taking vitamins and sleeping alot to get rid of it. Of course, I refuse to miss school just because I'm doing so well and I don't want to lose momentum. It's kinda funny because I don't have a book for astronomy but I'm still passing all the exams and I have one of the highest grades in class. I guess it's from watching Star Trek all those years :-)

Tonight we went to go see "Stealing Harvard". I hoped it would be funny but it wasn't. The premise was good, and the preview scenes were funny. But, that was about it. I found the main character to be lame and the co star/comic relief was just plain stupid. He reminded me of Jar Jar Binks. I wouldn't waste my money to go see it again... But, I might tell people to watch it on video.

Earlier this week I stumbled on a website about one of my favorite rockstars from long ago Billy Idol. The site gave the lyrics to several songs including "Eyes without a Face". All this time in the chorus I thought the backup singers were saying "the magic slowly dies" Ends up they are saying "Les yeux sans visage" which of course if French for "Eyes without a Face". Here's the link to the website if anyone is interested: http://www.billyidol.com/

In other news, my Armenian friend has been trying to talk me into going back into law enforcement. It does appeal to me but I have reservations. In my heart I'm committed to starting the biz. But, I know we have to pay the bills. Also, my wife wants to open the store here in town but I'm pushing to open it in a bigger city about 50 miles to the south of us. That would force me to commute each day. Well, if I go back into law enforcement we'd open here. I have alot to think over and I have to see what my Doctor says before I make a decision.

I stumbled upon another great quote that seems to sum up my life and feelings about things. It comes from my all time favrite movie "Fight Club" which I just happen to be watching tonight while my wife is at work:

"An entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables... slaves with white collars. Working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our Great War is a spiritual war. Our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars. But we won't. We're slowly learning that fact. And we're very very pissed off."

When I think about this statement I harken back to my life in the Protestant Church as a kid. I remember hearing the preacher talking about the end times where there would be great turmoil and suffering. I recall shuttering with fear. But, I took comfort in the fact that I could endure physical suffering for the glory of God. Now, I believe the we are in those times... and the turmoil is here... However, it is in the form of spiritual turmoil, the likes of which the early Church fathers never had to endure. The days of Martyrs are gone. Now we must suffer attacks on our very souls.

With all that I've seen I truly fear that I won't endure. And I'm left to wonder if I will sell off my soul for worldly prosperity like everyone else around me.

Lately I've continued to hover in escapist mode. My mind is anywhere but here. I guess It's kinda fallout from the Civil War event I went to last week. Basically, I've been having dreams of opening my business and building a house and getting on with my life. Of course, that further makes me resent the well off bastards I see every day because somewhere amongst them are the curs that turned down my business loan.

I've been reading alot lately and I stumbled upon an excellent quote that describes this society we live in:

"Progress comes to only those who prove themselves not mearly capable but predatory. Reaching the top of the food chain requires that the bodies of the weak be used as stepping stones. Once the summit is attained, it is held by seizing whatever resources are available and preventing others from grabbing them".

I won't cite the source but I think it sums things up well. We live in a Darwinian, predatory society where only those who cheat and get away with it, or those born into wealth succeed. Look at the recent scandals involving Enron, Martha Stewart, etc...

It saddens me because I know I have to give up my nice guy ways and shoot for the prize. Instead I find myself wishing for a simpler life. I guess that's why the Civil War reenactment set off my current mood. At least there I can enjoy the night sky, cook my food over a fire, and not deal with the incidious stress that this "modern" society forces on me.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

I'm so sick of Sept 11 crap... I just read that the US is on Orange alert for terrorist attacks tommorrow. I guess that's the next to highest alert in the homeland security system. I say it's bullshit. It's obvious to me that Bush is getting us mentally prepared for a war in Iraq. However, from what I've seen it's only served to desensitize everyone. Frankly, I refuse to tell the kids about what's going on just because I can see it for the propaganda crap it is.

For the past couple days I've kinda been in a stupor. I haven't quite got my head out of reenacting the Civil War. Sometimes I really yearn for life in a simpler time. Sure, I love me email, satellite TV, and motorized transportation. But, it just seems like we've lost something in the whole modern process. I think I feel it in my soul that the world is on the decline. That we've gone too far. Something innocent in the world has been lost. Almost like the soul of the world has been plundered, and the powers that be don't care because they sold their souls along time ago.

What a great weekend!! Well, I should say it had a good side and a bad side. The bad side was that I had to go to Mordor. The good side is that I spent 3 days reenacting the American Civil War with some of the best people I've ever known. I had a very nice time, despite the fact that I was short ammunition. I took hits early and mostly laid there and groaned for the crowd. One fight I had the doctor equip me with a fake wound and I got to have a bullet removed for the spectators. The last battle I was one of the last soldiers on the field so I kinda took charge and surrendered to the Yankees. Then I got to do my trademark grieving scene over our company commander. From what I understand the crowd got a kick out of it and all the "dead" soldiers on the field started laughing when I said he was already starting to smell rancid. To my surprise, all the nearby reenactors came up afterwards and complimented my acting ability.

Also to my amazement this was a rare trip with my Dad where I didn't get mad at him for something. We both got along well and enjoyed each others company. I wish all our trips were as enjoyable.

More quizzes:





















Will somebody tell me why I take these dumb tests.


Tommorrow I head to Mordor. I may blog at Jerkous's house. Otherwise It'll be next week before I can update this thing.

I learned my lesson tonight. Like an idiot I was reading my wifes emails, and I came across a link attached to a story her Aunt sent her about a photograph of a ghost. Needless to say the picture scared the hell out of me. That's the last time I'm reading her emails. If your curious... Here's the link: http://home.attbi.com/~n9ivo/whatswrong.swf

In other news, the kids had their first day of school today. It was so nice to just hang around the house with everybody gone. Of course, I didn't have anything to do. I think I'll start going on my hikes again. I stopped going when the kids were out of school. But, now I have no excuse. I have more historical loging sites I want to find in the hills.

Now that the plans are set in stone I can report that I'm headed for Mordor this weekend. My reenactment club is putting on an event there. It should be fun. Besides, I need to get away for a short while.

Ho hum... More dumb tests...

I hate this one:

the internet junk 'how bad are you test' deems me: 64% bad!

You wish you were feared. Unfortunately your inner voice tells you to be good. Your badness is all show. You secretly watch the Muppet show. You get scared in the dark, and you probably still sleep with a stuffed animal.

This test pissed me off too:

the internet junk slacker test deems me: 105% slacker

you have little regard for yourself or others, as long as the cable is still hooked up to the tv and there is food lying around you are content, and the only good thing about a your bathtub is it holds the keg and ice!

Interesting.. You are a Brussel Sprout Quiet and reserved, you are not one to bust in on the social scene. A good book, or in this case an online test, suits you just fine. Oddly enough, the brussel sprout is a commonly disliked vegetable. Maybe it needs to get out there and party, don't you think? ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

This one really made me laugh because it is so not true:

There is no hope. You are Very Redneck! You plague humanity with plaid and five-year-old John Deer merchandise. Huntin', fishin', shootin', and a drinkin' for you is a way of life, and for you, ignorance is bliss! The only literature to be found at your home is to be found in the outhouse, used for wiping your ass. See you at the tractor pull bubba! ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

Now this one hit the nail on the head!!:

So close! You are an Almost-Geek! You love your sci-fi, computer and video games, and keeping up to date with the world of technology. Though you try and keep one foot in the real world, you may find people hard to deal with and prefer to keep most of your relationships virtual, but you do make the effort to interact with the real world. ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

I'm happy as hell today... I got to reunite with my best friend from high school. My wife called and said he was having breakfast where she works and he wanted me to come and see him. I was a little apprehensive because the last I heard he was furious with me.

Needless to say we had a very pleasant visit. I got to meet his beautiful wife and his two sons. It really boosted my spirits to see him doing so well, and in such a good frame of mind. I come to find out that he was not ever really mad at me he was just disappointed that I couldn't come to his wedding cause he couldn't find me.

Anyway, my friend, we'll call him Hackum, looked really good for being an old man. I guess that's what skiing 6 months out of the year does for you. I think what I missed the most about him was his upbeat spirit about life and the future. He always seems positive about things, but will let you know if he doesn't like something. In high school I was always the frowner. But, he seemed to balance me out by getting me to do stuff and take chances. It's something I've missed in my life for the past 8 years. I look forward to rekindling our friendship again.

In other news, I found out yesterday that Tess's mother died this week. I know that despite the loss her death was a relief to her family. It makes me remember when my own mother passed. I will pray for her and her family. I know she watches them now.

I heard more news about my Armenian friend. To my relief he's not being deployed with the National Guard. He has to stay and face the pending charges. He is worried alot because this could stick to his military record. But, I know that he will be exhonorated. I may not have much faith in the system. However, I do believe, and pray, that justice will be served. He is a good man and does not deserve this.

Today is my second daughter's birthday. She's 11 years old today. What a big girl she is. I have no doubt in my mind that she will succeed in life no matter what she sets her mind to do.

Here's some more goofy quizzes:





Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz






Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna




Which Willy Wonka character are you?

made by

I kinda like this one:






Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]




Well, that's it for today. Here we go into the Labor day weekend. Have nothing planned because we're broke!!

Only 3 more days till the kids go back to school. It feels like Christmas!!! LOLOLOLOLOL

Here are some quizzes I found on the Internet:

Mama's Boy! You are Quiche Florentine Woah there- mommy need to read this text to you? Well, you are truly in good standing with her and the rest of your family, and you like your microwave meals to give you that thought of home you thirst for. Somewhat dependent yet a caring individual, it seems you don't need assistance anymore but you enjoy help and security anyways ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

My wife will like this next one:



Take the Purrsonality Quiz!

No gain, no pain! You are the Brown M&M You are beyond cautious and it seems like 'fun' is a foreign concept to you- live it up every now and then and you'll see just how much you are missing! ©2002 http://internetjunk.co.uk

Well, the past week around here has been fairly uneventful. On Saturday we went to a local football game to watch my oldest daughter cheerlead her first game. She did exceptionally well. One of the best in her squad. In fact, most of the time she was the only one smiling. She also didn't bicker and whine like the other girls. I am proud of her.

Today we planted a section of grass in our backyard. It's been cooling down some so I think the new grass will have a good chance to grow. I taught the girls how to till the soil and sow the seed. I think they were halfway interested in the process.

School is going well for me. Despite the fact that I can't afford my Astronomy textbook, I'm doing pretty well in class. We take quizzes every class session and I've been passing each one (knock on wood). It is an interesting class despite the fact that most of the other students are boneheads. In more college news, I was able to order my web publishing book through Amazon.com. The college bookstore sells it for $50 but Amazon had it for $24. It should be here in a few days.

The girls start school in one more week. Oh, how I'm looking forward to that!

Today was not a good day. I picked up the local paper and found an article on the front page about how the city is running out of time to award small business loans to local residents. Apparently, they have until September 30th to give out over $500,000 dollars in loan funds, or else they lose the money. So far they committee has only gave out $70,000 dollars of that money. This is an outrage. Here I am an able bodied person with a smokin business plan yet, I can't get these bastards to give us a loan.

My wife called the committee liason again and this time he told us we were denied because of our credit. Last time he said the committee did not understand the business proposal. Something is not right in this thing, and I am getting very angry!!! If they lose the funds without giving out anymore loans I have half a mind to sue. It says clearly in the paper that the money is intended for low income people who can't get conventional funding. Time will tell I guess. But, I feel like someone who has been discriminated against.

Also on my plate today was a return trip to the dentist. I have to wait 5 weeks for approval to get my crown. So, I ended up getting 5 cavities filled. Yuck!! Fortunately, I won't have to worry about my teeth getting worse on that one side. Next visit, I'll get my crown put in and 3 more teeth filled. Unfortunately, at this point in my life I have to admit that dentists are a necessary evil.

School is interesting so far. I'm taking only two classes because the school dropped one due to low attendance. I thought about signing up for another but, I guess I just want to take it easy this time. In the past I signed up for too many classes and ended up droping out of all of them.

It has been unseasonably cold for August lately. However, that did not stop us from doing some yard work today. We have a large flower bed in front of our house that was just full of grass and weeds. To our surprise after cleaning out we found several bulbs that were trying to make their way to the surface. Tommorrow, I plan to finish clearing out the bed and then plant two rose bushes my wife got for her birthday. Afterwards, we'll be headed to the back yard to plant some grass seed. I'm hoping there is still time for the roots to take hold before the cold weather sets in.

Did I ever mention that I love my wife? She does so much to make us happy. I am a lucky man.

Well, here I sit my first day of college. I haven't attended classes at this campus for almost 9 years. Man I feel old! It's still a nice place... Much better than the college in Mordor.

Today was my son's first day of preschool. I guess he was a bit upset at being there, but the teacher said he fit in and behaved perfectly. He also had his sister there with him so I'm sure it wasn't too stressful. Besides, he's a tough boy.

Since I had mostly peace and quiet today I took the time to paint some more on my Iron Warriors. Remarkably, I finished a whole squad in a few hours. Now, I have two squads done and two more to go. I think sometime next month I'll pick a fight with Amon-Ra and see how they do. I am confident that my army list will beat him and his damned Orks.

Well, back to class.

Today we had a major scare from the power company. We got home from having lunch at my favorite burger bar and our power was shut off. I called the power company and explained that we had made payment arrangements with them and the shut off was a mistake. They said we needed to come up with our past due which was about $250 bucks. Fortunately, my wife got paid today and we were able to come up with most of the money. They graciously sent a service man out within the hour to turn on the power. Again, it's another example of bill collectors hitting us hard. We're flat broke and I ain't going to Mordor this weekend. Oh well.

In other bad news... I spoke to my Armenian friend yesterday. He just got back from active duty with the National Guard. He's one of the poor saps guarding the San Francisco bridge. Anyway, he was sent home early from the State duty because his unit was activated for Federal service for one year. Apparently, they are replacing a regular army unit that is being deployed to Afghanistan to defuse landmines. At this point he's not sure where he's going however, he suspects an assignment in Germany. This comes on top of his continuing legal troubles over spanking his son. When it rains it pours.

Tommorrow is my first day of school. Let's hope my classes are at least interesting.

It's been several days and I'm still sore from my cortizone shot. I don't do much with my arm but when I do it usually pops ever so slightly. Granted, the pain is gone, but it was gone with physical therapy. Oh well, I guess time will tell.

Last night I hooked up with some friends and we had a LAN party. It was great!! we played Aliens vs Predator and Warcraft III. I'm so pleased with the performance of my computer. It connected to the LAN without any problems. I'm hoping we can have another LAN party in the near future. Perhaps next time it'll be at my house.

I have one more week to get my Iron Warriors painted. Next Saturday is the battle royale and I just can't seem to get motivated. Now it's gonna be even worse because I have a couple new computer games. Only 8 models to paint. Oh woe is me.

I'm still pretty sore today from that injection yesterday. I feel like I have a golf ball in my shoulder. It should feel better by tommorow or else something is wrong.

I'm going stir crazy being trapped here with the kids. It's hotter than hell today and the smoke is worse than ever. I wish those jerks in Oregon would just put that fire out!! It's up to about 350,000 acres so far. I'm guessing they're letting it burn to clear away overgrown forest. They also can have it logged legally if it is damaged by a fire. Damned Republicans! Their always trying to find some way to help big business, all the while ignoring the little guy.

I'm planning a trip to Mordor next weekend. My old gaming group wants me over for a big battle royale. It'll be good to get way for a few days. However, I dread going to that place again. I plan to stay with Jerkous and take care of some old business while I'm there. I also need to buy a collage picture frame for my stepdad. I promised to bring him pictures of the kids the next time I visit. Despite my loathing of Mordor this will be one of two trips I'll be making in the coming weeks. The second will be in September to attend a Civil War Reenactment in Fortuna. I am looking forward to that visit. The Fortuna event(which I myself created, and organized at the beginning) is really fun.

Tommorrow is my wife Birthday and I have no money to get her anything. I know what I want to buy her, but it may need to wait until we have more money. Damned bill collectors just hit us hard this month.

I feel like a pin cushion. I went to the doctor to get a cortizone shot in my shoulder. This time instead of going into shock when the needle poked me I just got extremely nauseous and nearly threw up all over the doctor(my lifelong dream). However, I survived the procedure and the Doc says I should feel an inprovement in a couple days. He plans to see me in another month. If I improve they will reevaluate me and settle the case. If I don't then they will consider surgery. Lets hope I get better, I don't want to get cut on.

Well we finally contacted Tess who informed us that she has decided not to move here. It took us several days past the time she was supposed to actually show up here to get ahold of her. We get the idea that she was avoiding us. She said it was her decision not to move but, we don't believe her because she has put up such fronts before. I'm guessing that she was coerced by either her boyfriend or her ex-husband. It saddens me because this is the third time she has turned on us so coldly. I think this is the last time we will stick our necks out for her. She doesn't realize that she is the stereotypical female caught in a whirlpool of abusive relationships, and it seems her destiny is to never escape. I said it once before and I'll say it again. You cannot save someone from themselves or their destiny.

In related news, Tess's son has been here visiting for the past week and he came over with his uncle on Saturday and Sunday. He was not what I expected. He is a bright and hansome young man. My wife was very impressed with how polite he was. Frankly, I hit it off with him rather well. I don't understand for the life of me why Tess's turd of a boyfriend doesn't like him. It kinda broke my heart on Sunday when I took them home. Her son said he wished he could stay with us. I genuinely feel sorry for the boy. His mother is a fool and his father is a heap, and there is nothing I can do to help him.

So, with all that behind me I've decided to start a new chapter in my life and adopt a new quote:

"A person needs new experiences. They jar something deep inside, longing to grow. Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens.... The sleeper must awaken."
Duke Leto Atreidies, Dune

I have to start a new chapter in my life. Granted, the previous chapter was short. But, it is time that I begin thinking of the future in a serious way and start taking action. I still want to start my business. But, that won't happen until next year. So, I've decided to go to school this coming semester and take up computer studies again. Prior to moving to Mordor several years ago I was studying computers and really enjoyed it. However, I gave it up because I thought my math skills were inadequate, and I was worried that the job market would get glutted with computer enthusiasts. I Today I registered for 8 units of classes. Next Spring I'll have to take another 3 units and I'll be ready to transfer to the local technical school for 2 more years of training. With that under my belt I'll be in line to land a great job somewhere nearby, maybe even local. Law Enforcement was fun while it lasted. But, now it's time I take up a real profession.

The painting frenzy is over.

However, the bill collector feeding frenzy has begun. I had to scrape together every dime I could today to pay the car payment. Then, I get a final notice from the power company. Of course, they won't compromise in any way. So, I have to beg/borrow/steal every dime I can to pay that. What is next?

I discovered an interesting update to the bear story from earlier this week. On the front page of the regional paper was Bear and his wife. The article was about an apartment complex where everyone was evicted, including Bear and his family, so the new owners could remodel the unit. It's funny how things work out I guess.

Today I went into a painting frenzy and ended up finishing 6 models and completing an entire squad. Only 3 squads left to go. This is quite remarkable because I have not done any painting in a while. I'm hoping to get my Iron Warriors done by this month so that I can start taking part in tournaments.

Last week I bid on a couple items on Ebay. I can't believe how much people are charging for shipping and handling charges. Both things I bid on cost as much to buy as it is to ship. I'm getting so disgusted with the sitution that I'm thinking of giving up on Ebay.

Lastly, I am just brimming with pride at how well my wife is doing in her cheerleading coaching. Her squad is doing great and I can see how much this has boosted her self confidence. I'm really sorry and ashamed that I criticized her in the beginning. This is one of those times that I am overjoyed at being wrong.

Well, it's been a while since I've updated my blog, and alot has happened, so this may be a bit long.

Last Friday I went to a Civil War Reenactment in a nearby town. It was extremely good to see my old pards again. I was received warmly by everyone. I haven't taken part in a reenactment since before my injury. I fought in 4 battles on Saturday and ended up getting sick from exhaustion and heat. I came home that night and was nursed back to health sufficently to return the next morning. By far the 2 battles on Sunday were more enjoyable. Even though my new Springfield Musket kept fouling up.

On Sunday night my wife and I went to the movie to see "Signs". Extremely good, I highly recommend!!! It was one of those flicks that drive me up the wall because I would be fighting like a madman. Anyway, I think this movie was as good as "Sixth Sense".

On Monday the wife and I went to the city to do some grocery shopping. I was in a bad mood all day and I had a funny feeling something was going to happen. Sure enough, as we were leaving the supermarket we ran into Bear. He looked pretty good. He grew a beard since I last saw him. And I think he lost a little weight. He was rather cordial to us and seemed interested in visiting for a few minutes. Apparently, I caught him on the eve of his big move to Oregon. I was frankly surprised that he told me about the move. He's hoping to connect with some friends up there and land a job driving truck again. I hope he does well. He asked me about his grandfather's rifle which I owned at one time. It's a long story how I came into possesion of it. Anyway, he wants me to get it back for him. I think I will as a gesture of goodwill towards him. However, I won't use the rifle to bribe his friendship back. I think hopes of any relationship beyond an association is fleeting. This time the grudge is on my side.

Tess called us on Sunday night. She's still real nervous about her big move and was a bit grumpy over the phone because she's been fighting with her son-to-be ex boyfriend. I guess she plans to tell him today that she is moving out. We're supposed to go get her on Thursday. I can sense that deep down inside she doesn't like breaking up with her beau. But, she really wants to be near us, and more importantly she wants to live with her son. We're expecting her to call tonight so we should find out. I'm guessing this is the 11th hour. It's either move or not for her at this point.

Finally, today we bought "Lord of the Rings" on DVD. As soon as my wife gets home form cheerleading practice we will watch it. I'm so looking forward to watching "The Two Towers" in December. Only 4 months away!!

Well today definately had it's ups and downs.

My Armenian friend and I went to court. He had two additional charges filed against him plus the original charges. I can't believe the lows that the prosecutors will go to trump up charges. Everyone involved agrees wholeheartedly that he will be exhonorated of these ridiculous charges. It's believed that the DA is trying to hold up my friends return to work in hopes that he'll get fired and end up pleading guilty to avoid further prosecution. I told him that if he pled out I was going to punch him in the nose.

On the plus side... the smoke cleared off today and may be gone by tommorrow. I can finally breath and go outside without choking to death.

In other news... recently I got wind of a major proposition that could change our lives forever. I'll only say that I'll involve moving from here for a few years. I have to explore the possibilities further. But, I'm kinda hoping it works out. We could use an adventure.

Today while sitting on my porch I looked out at the sky and felt like I was living in Los Angeles. The sky was hazy and the sun was red. Every day this week I've been spending as much time as I can in my room to avoid the smoke. It makes my eyes red and I'm coughing and hacking constantly. I wish they would get the forest fire in Oregon put out soon so that I can go outside without hacking my lungs up.

Tommorrow my Armenian friend goes before the judge to hear whether the DA's office will refile charges or file new charges. He is convinced that they are going to file something. I'm hoping they won't. He's been through enough.

Tess is close to making her big move. She's been calling us alot lately wanting reassurance and morale support. I'm really looking forward to having her around. She is a fun and vibrante person who will bring alot of excitement to our lives. With all the people we seem to have around that take advantage of us It'll be a breath of fresh air to have some we can really trust.

Well, I survived the party... Barely!

Today we went to the Central Valley so my wife could attend a workshop for cheerleading. If I didn't mention it before she is coaching a team of 10 cheerleaders including my daughter. I'm quite proud of her! Anyway, it was bloody hot in the valley. But, we had a good time. I took the kids to the Mall, the park, and a small creek for a nice swim. My sweetie learned alot about doing stunts for cheerleading. It was a successful trip all the way around.

After getting back home it seemed like a forest fire blew through town because it's extremely smokey. We live a mile from a huge volcano and you can't even see the summit form my house. Talk about smog!! I guess all the smoke is coming from fires in Southern Oregon. The weather man says the winds should shift by Tuesday and we should have clear skies again. That would be good because I've been hacking and coughing for days.

Not since the siege of Jerkous has our house been in such an uproar. My eldest daughter is having her birthday party today which includes a slumber party. As you can guess I'm hiding in the corner.

On the upside, all my friends showed up today and we sat on the porch enjoying a few beers and BSing about everything. It was quite enjoyable. I so thoroughly enjoy the company of fine friends, and the ones I have here are some of the best people I've ever known. I ended up making a couple music CDs for people from my MP3 collection.

Tommorrow we plan to drive a couple hours south of here to attend a stunt school for my wife and daughter's cheerleading squad. It'll be nice to get away and take a trip. I'm really looking forward to it. This time of year I enjoy driving through the valley because of the smell of agriculture and irrigation. It remainds me of my youth growing up in the fields of Central California.

Finally, I realized today that I'm starting to snap out of my depression. Despite the fact that not much has changed, I think that just being in a better place than Mordor helps me to see hope for the future. I'm thinking about signing up for college next week.

I'm beginning to think that life is like a toilet bowl... and I'm a urine cake. Today our landlady called wanting to know why we haven't paid the rent. Yesterday we deposited the rent in her account because my disability check was severely delayed. She also asked us if we owned a dog, which we do not. Apparently, the handyman took a picture of the fence he just repaired and our cat was in the shot. She somehow thought our cat was a dog. I'm guessing that she was satisfied by our answers but it makes me very uptight when our landlord calls in a hostile manner. If we lost our house I don't know what we would do. The last time we were homeless it took us 6 months to find a place.

The time is coming closer for my Armenian friend to go to court. I'm hoping this will be the final hearing to determine if they are going to refile charges. He is totally stressed out and on edge about this whole thing. The Prosecutor has been digging around his history trying to find dirt on him. At this point I'd be willing to bet money that they do not refile charges. I hope I am right.

I got some stuff in the mail today about a local technical college I'm thinking about applying for. If I was to put in about two years I could get a degree in computer engineering and be on my way to a nice high paying job somewhere. At least I'd have a useful skill that way. Having only studied law enforcement, I'm uneasy about the possibility of moving somewhere and getting a job. Also, watching my friend go through his ordeal I'm conviced that law enforcement is way too political.

I hesitantly took another one of Momoka's personality tests today. Here's the result:


I am Gil Galad, the Last King of Noldor. During the Second Age, my human pal Elendil and I formed the Last Alliance of Elves and Men against Sauron but we both died in battle. Bummer, I say, but at least I got my picture on a poster somewhere. In the movie, I'm played by Mark Ferguson.
|| Which Lord of the Rings Elf are you? @ X.com ||

I say hesitantly because I despise elves.

Other than that not much has been going on. I've been fishing with my Armenian friend and trying to figure out what I'm going to do in the future. So far, no fish and no plans.

Well, here I sit.... Several glasses of wine later. I'm a glorified babysitter. The kids are getting ready to go to the pool. I've been spending time online today reading my past blogs. It's funny because I've seemed to go from a man happy with his new life to one that is broken and depressed. I'd say that's about right.

I haven't been drunk in quite some time. I get pretty bad hangovers. But, today I said what the Hell.

I don't understand people who drink hard alcohol. It tastes aweful and hammers you too hard. i prefer to drink wine that slowly gets you drunk and tastes pretty good. I've finished half a bottle so far.

My inlaws are a puzzle to me. Here I am an intelligent and gentle man who takes care of their grandchildren. I don't drink... Very often. I don't do drugs. I don't abuse anyone. Yet I'm just not good enough. Every time I talk to them it's this stiff and uncomfortable conversation. My wife and I have been together for 15 years. You'd think they'd try to just get to know me. Perhaps like my Father they just hope I die.

Alot of the time I look on my life and I wish I would have stayed in the Army. Thnigs woud be much easier if I was a killer in a foreign land. To strike out at my enemies would be easier than trying to cooperate and make everyone happy. The damned insurance company toys with me as well as my former employer. Then I have to drive around this town and see all the well to do bastards with their shiny cars and their expensive clothes. I'm left to wonder how they made their money. Perhaps I don't really want to know.

What really pisses me off is when people tell me I have such well behaved children. These jerks don't realize that I have no fear of giving the kids the belt if they act up. Yet their little ingrates run around acting up and disrespecting everyone. To hell with this social experiment laid out by the political correct crowd. Kids should be able to express themselves. But, not at the expense of everyone around them. Basically, we are all animals and need to be trained.

I've been thinking... If I was a milionaire I stil wouldn't invest in the stock market. First of all, I believe it's like a casino and rigged to allow the rich to win. Second, the damn thing fluctuates so much I couldn't see putting my hard earned money at risk. Sure, I bet the thing has made loads of people rich. But, I doubt if I have the patience to ride the thing out.

Well, I'm rambling as I'm sure you can see. Besides, the wine is really kicking in. As I wrote this I finished the bottle.

Later

Tonight I went by myself to the movies to see "K19 The Widowmaker". Great great great movie. If you like thrillers and great acting this is the one. I read the reviews beforehand and they did not do justice to this movie. Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson did some of their best work. One line in particular in this movie was in reference to a request by the Captain of the Sub to recognize 7 people who gave their lives to save the ship. The request was denied and Harrison Ford's line in response was "What good is recognition from a group such as this". I empathized so well with that line because of my recent dealings with the damned loan committee. I guess I feel like their criticism of my plan is unwarranted. I know better than them, despite what they may think, about how well this business would work here. To be given their approval would be no better than having a group of monkeys give their thumbs up.

In fact, I'm pretty much down on committees in general. It seems just about every government in this world uses them and they can't seem to get anything done. In reality, what makes us think that a group of people would be able to make a decision about a particular subject better than an individual. I think that a committee is better able to shrug off blame when a decision of theirs goes awry. But, they are no better at resisting potential corruption. Now, I'm not saying we should live under a dictatorship. Autocrates sould be accountable for their decisions. But, it just seems that tyranny is equally bad whether it comes from a corrupt council or a corrupt administrator.

I know I'm going to be on a high horse about this whole loan committee for quite some time. As I told my Armenian friend the other day... This whole mess has taken the wind out of my sails.

"Road to Perdition" is a good movie. If you get a chance go see it. I had a little trouble with Tom Hanks as a mob hitman but otherwise it was good.

I took the kids to the local fish hatchery yesterday for a kids fishing day. Everyone except the boy got to dip their poles in the water. My two oldest caught the only two fish of the day, one was pretty big. However, my second daughter actually snagged the largest fish in the pond. Unfortunately, her line broke and the bugger got away. Overall, the kids had a great time. But, I got a little overwhelmed by everyone vying for attention. I wish my wife could have been there.

Lately, I've been a little bit blue. I guess I'm still very disappointed that we didn't get the loan. To top it off, my dad came here on Friday and he started calling his friends on his cell phone asking if anyone wanted to buy a house. Apparently, his friend in a nearby town wants to sell his home for only $20,000 bucks. It frustrated me because he knows I want to buy a house. To top it off, he also called an old friend and talked to him about some money he loaned my sister to buy her house. It angered me because we asked my Dad a while back to see if that same friend would look at our business plan and consider funding our business. Of course, he said that his friend doesn't loan out money. HE LIED TO ME!!! It's nothing new. That's the way my Dad is. Of course, I could never tell him I'm upset about this because he would get a big kick out of it. He loves it when his kids fight for his attention. I guess I'll never understand my Dad. Sometimes I wish he never would have sired me.

To top it off my mother-in-law called a few days ago and started badgering my wife to get me to get a job and get off disability. She doesn't understand that I have to jump through these hoops before I can return to work in order to get reimbursed for my suffering, time, and loss wages due to this injury. I thought that I had a pretty good relationship with my in-laws. But, it seems that they still distrust me. I'm guessing that my father-in-law feels the same because he hasn't written in a while. It hurts alot. But, no one seems to understand.

Last night the wife and I went to see "Reign of Fire". Not a bad movie. It was fairly suspenseful and the action was good. I predicted the ending halfway through. But, it was a good ending nonetheless. In the movie previews it insinuated that the dragons were highly intelligent. So, I expected there to be at least one scene where the "heroes" talk to the dragons. However, the movie portrayed the dragons as little more than cunning predators.

This week I've been doing some self analysis and I've found that I'm really not very optimistic of the future. I think it stems from the denial of our business loan. I'm not looking forward to very much. Except for Tess's big move and a possible settlement sometime next year. I hope whatever we get it's enough to start our business. Otherwise we're dead in the water. I could go for vocational retraining but, that's a long way off. It's hard because I'm the kind of person who always has his mind in the future. When I don't, I usually get depressed or aimless and ambitionless. Let's hope something works out instead.

I'm a bit worried about my wife because they found a lump in her breast during a medical exam today. Apparently, the nurse said the lump is movable which indicates that it is probably a cyst of some sort. She goes for a mammogram on Friday. I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. If it is something I'm sure we're catching it in the early stages. My wife has been sick for the past few weeks so I'm guessing that it has something to do with that instead of a tumor. We'll see for sure next week.

Had a nice weekend... Yesterday we took a drive to my Father's house to see my two sisters who came down for a visit from Washington. Both look very good and I was very pleased to see them. It had been several years. Also, my kids got to play with two of their cousins. They had a good time.

One of my sisters told me she quit smoking two years ago because of a wish my Mom made before she died. My mother died of lung cancer. I was so pleased with my sister for doing that. Smoking is an incedious habit.

This week I see the doctor again about my injury. I'm unsure of what he'll say. But, I'm hoping it'll be positive. At this point I may be on disability until November when the insurance physician clears me for work.

Well, I must say that the events that transpired today are leading me to becoming a grumpy and sarcastic son-of-a-bitch. The loan committee turned us down because they think our product line only appeals to a narrow market, thus making us a risk. This despite the fact that we have 3 years of market research into this area, and we have several years of business experience along with previous experience with an identical venture in this market. Needless to say I am furious. I feel like I've been discriminated against and that the loan committee did not do their job in seriously considering and weighing the business plan. The committee liason basically said he thinks the committee did not understand the product or the proposal and rejected it out of ignorance.

So, from here I have to weigh my options. I could wait until next year when I may receive a settlement from my injury. Or, I may try to raise money to start the business from scratch like I did before. Either way I'll not need help from any financial institution. In fact, I am considering taking an oath never to fill out another credit application or authorizing anyone to run my credit ever again. I believe that the credit industry is the "Mark of the Beast" laid out in the book of Revealation. Scripture says the mark will be required to buy and sell. Well, credit is the closest thing I can see to that, and it's just gonna get worse. Sure, a proponent may say that credit is necessary to weed out dishonest people and to keep financial institutions and investors informed about their prospects. But, I am a poor man with 6 children. Several times in my life I've had to make the decision wether to pay a bill or feed my kids. In my mind there is no contest! Because of that I am branded as dishonest for having late payments and outragous unpaid fees on my report. It is evil and violates the admonition to avoid "usury".

There was once a time that a man's word was his bond and that people would trust each other out of co-dependency. Once there was a time that if someone was down on their luck then creditors would be lenient. But, now the world revolves around the "bottom line" and things like honor and trust are gone. In a better world those people on that loan committee would have seen an ambitious young man with a plan to make it big. They would have taken a chance. Especially with money granted to the city to help low income people start a small business. But, this is our modern age and we are so advanced and civilized. To Hell with these black hearted Republicans!!!!!

Well, I've taken another step towards being a cyborg. Today I saw the dentist again and he prepared my tooth for a cap. He installed an anchor and rounded my tooth off for the final fitting in two weeks. During the procedure he accidentally touched my tongue with his drill. Ouch! Other than that I am in little pain from the procedure.

While we were gone today the loan committee called about our loan. Unfortunately, it was too late to call them when we got home so we may find out tommorrow if we have the loan. I am so anxious to start my business and begin doing something with my time and talents.

My Armenian friend was pretty upset today because the prosecutors in the case against him contacted his lawyer about some small details in the case. They have until next week to decide if they are going to refile charges. He's worried that they will refile and drag this whole mess on for another 6 months. Personally, I think they won't refile and he'll be good to go. But, it's hard to convince him of that. We'll see soon. Meanwhile, I'm considering raising money to help him pay his lawyer. I doubt he will accept it but, I'll try anyway.

Finally, last night we spoke to Tess on the phone. My wife called her at work and she seemed in a good mood. I think she was thrilled that we called her. As the time for her to move here gets closer I hope we can stay in touch a bit better.

I caught this interesting article on Yahoo! news about overwork and undersleep causing an increase in heart attacks among men. Well DUH!! Why is it so hard for people to understand that humans were not designed to live highly stressful, meaningless lives. We are farmers and hunters meant to live a quiet, slow, and fullfilling life. In the 9 months that I have been on disability I've adjusted to a younger, vigorous, and more happy person. I'll never go back to being the "company man". I'll be my own man. Now, if only my business will get off the ground I'll be off and running.

I've been expecting to hear from Tess for a couple days now but, nothing so far. I'm afraid she is mad at me for what I said about her boyfriend. If so, I'm not sure why because she plans to leave him anyway. I did find out one interesting thing. Talking to her brother I found out that her family doesn't like her boyfriend either. They say he talks down to them. I guess Tess's mother was really offended by the way he spoke to her during dinner one time. He works as a nurse caring for mental patients so I think he has a tendency of talking that way even when he doesn't know it.

My landlady sent a handyman here today to take care of some repairs around the place. He cleaned up the back yard and got prepared to rebuild the fence. The place looks great! Tommorrow he plans to crawl under the house and fix a broken pipe. It's nice to get some stuff taken care of by your landlord. I told my wife today that this is the first house that I felt really comfortable in. There is a spirit of calmness and happiness here. I plan to stay here untill we get kicked out or we buy a house. Hopefully the latter will happen instead of the former.

Well, here goes another personality test:

My sphere is Ronin (Look for great Ambition and Success), and my class is Champion (Self-Righteous and Confident). I am a Vigilante. When it comes to action, you stand alone. You may possess great valor and self-righteousness, Vigilante, but chances are, you may be torn between looking out for your beliefs, and looking out for yourself. A real anti-hero. Try not to step on anyone's toes, and in time you'll find those who will be your admirers. What kind of Warrior are you?

This was a good test. Not from the outcome standpoint but, the website was well put together.

We're recovering today from a camping trip we took over the weekend. We got together with my Armenian friend and his family(yes, I forgave him) and went to the local resort. This was the first time they've ever been camping with their kids so we wanted something kinda tame. Everyone had a good time except for my wife. She was sick the entire time and just kinda brooded in the corner of the camp. I felt so sorry for her. But, she's doing much better now.

It was kinda hilarious because both families brought little in the way of blankets and sleeping bags. It got cold during the night and I think the adults got the worst of it. My Armenian friend, who's from the Arabian desert, thought he was gonna die from hypothermia. In the next camping trip, we plan to go to someplace kinda remote to give the kids a real sense of adventure, and I'm sure we'll be much more prepared.

Finally, I got my pinkslip yesterday from my former employer. I'm kinda relieved and kinda miffed about the whole thing. It's one of the last ties to bind me to Mordor. My lawyer said they have cut their own throats because they did not follow proper procedures to let me go. Technically, I was fired while I am disabled from an on-the-job injury. We'll see what happens.

Oh, one last thing. Speaking of Mordor, my good friend Amon-Ra told me that he has decided to leave that dreadfull place in 3 weeks when he gets out of technical school. I am very happy for him. Mordor has a way of chewing up small families. In the continuing curse theme of Mordor he was offered a job that would have forced him to drop out of school. The job didn't pay well but it was a bit more stable than his last job. I'm glad he chose not to take it. The Mordor curse is that about the time you're fed up and ready to leave a slightly better job offer comes around. Of course, if you take the job your worse off than before. I fell for that scheme at least 3 times in my bid to leave. I guess hindsight is truly 20/20.

Took the wife to Orr Lake today to see Tess and to do some fishing. Had a great time, though the two youngest kids were very cranky from being sick. It was kinda hilarious because Tess came to our camp to visit and some time later her "boyfriend" drove his truck over to see what she was doing. She ended up leaving our camp to return to him. Before she left though she said she was definately moving here in August and that she plans to bring her son with her.

Speaking of her son, I think that is gonna be a major sticking point in her plans. She intends to send him here to visit her parents and then use his trip to make the move over. But, I think she is asking for major trouble from her ex-husband. She seems to think that she knows best in this matter. I hope she is right. Frankly, I fear for her. She's burning alot of people in this move.

I think my wife doesn't believe that Tess will move here, and in some ways I see her point of view. Tess hasn't done much to prepare for the move. And she seems very content with her life now. It's hard because I'd like to see her move here. She's a good friend and someone that we can trust. Im confident that she won't screw us over like everyone else has seemed to be doing lately. Also, I feel in my heart that Tess is someone we could trust in helping us start our business. In many ways her presence here would be like adding someone to our family. I just fear that everything will fall apart at the last minute.

Tonight the wife and I went to see Men in Black II. Now I should say as a rule of thumb I dislike sequels. But, this one was funny. The plot was a little hollow but overall it was entertaining. I'd recommend it to anyone. Also, I got to see the trailer for Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers. Oh my God!!! I just can't wait. An insider friend of mine at Games Workshop said that this next movie is supposed to have 30 minutes of straight battle scenes. I think that Momoka will be happy because Legolas gets plenty of screen time. But, I'm sure the movie will still be good(Elves, Yuck!!!).

Yesterday I took the kids to a place called Orr Lake to do some fishing and to see Tess. The short story is that we caught one small fish and got to visit for about an hour with Tess. It was good to see her. She looked really good. In fact, it's the best I've ever seen her look. Unfortunately, I was unable to talk to her about anything because there was always someone around. I found myself wanting to give her a big hug and a kiss, but her boyfriend was around so she kept her distance from me.

Speaking of her boyfriend, I don't like him. In fact, I think I hate him. He looks a little like me but, that's where the similarities end. He struck me as a beligerant redneck and acted "stand-offish" to me. I think he knew I was a former boyfriend of Tess. I was also irritated by the way he talked to her. Though I know that he is not physically abusive of Tess like her ex-husband, I sensed that he was at least emotionally abusive of her. I felt like running him through.

We plan to return to Orr Lake on Friday so that my wife can visit Tess. It'll be funny to watch because my sweetie won't tolerate a beligerant redneck. Especially if she senses that he is abusive in any way to her friend. Tess may be leaving him and moving here sooner than she thinks.

Well, It's the height of Summer here. It's very warm and the days are lazy for everyone. In a few days we'll have the 4th of July celebration. I plan to take the kids out to the lake to see the firework show. Hopefully my darling wife can make enough money in the next few days from tips to buy some fireworks for us to set off.

I'm kinda upset today because my Armenian friend stood me up... AGAIN! We were supposed to get together to haul some stuff to the dump. It really bugs me when he does that. I can't help but take it personally. He talks so much about being my "Armenian Brother". But, he's just not there when I need him. I've tried to be there for him. I'm so sick and tired of fair weather friends. The ones who only come around when things are good. When we can offer something to them. My "friend" Stout came over yesterday. I asked him what's going on and he said he just stopped by to see how we were doing. Then, in almost the same breath he asked to borrow some books from me. DAMN!!! I haven't seen the guy for weeks and when he does come over it's to get something from me.

I guess it's safe to say that I have but one friend, besides my wife, that I can count on.

Well, my house has turned into the den of disease. Every one of my kids is sick with a sort of flu like thing that makes them throw up and leaves them feverish and grumpy. So far, the wife and I aren't sick(knock on wood). I hope everyone is feeling better by next weeks 4th of July celebration.

I tried my hand at running a Star Wars RPG game today. A few friends of mine form way back came over and we played. I felt bad because the stoy I came up with was lame. Everyone saw through it and it ended kinda stupid. I should have prepared more. Of note I played with Tess's brother ho is a difficult person to deal with in the game. I like to run dramatic adventures and he kept interrrupting me with comical side jokes. It made it hard for everyone to focus. My other problem was that everyone was afraid to do anything or take any chances. As a GM you can only guide the party so far before the game becomes a giant narrative. I'll try once more to run a good game. But, if it doesn't work out I'll give up for the time being.

I finally got to take the boy fishing yesterday. We stayed out at the lake way past dark but didn't catch a thing. I think my hook was to big and the catfish just nibbled the bait right off. I'm gonna try again real soon. Also of note, I discovered that my boy is afraid of the dark. I shouldn't surprise me. But, I was glad that I was there for him to hang on to. I think my own calmness set him at ease. I think if there is anything I want to teach my children it is for them to be calm in tense situations, even when they are afraid.