Saw "The Village" this past week. YYYYAAAAAWWWWNNNNNN!!!! I nearly fell asleep twice. The movie was fairly good but very slow and a bit transparent. Normally, M. Night Shaymalans movies are great with an amazing twist at the end. However, this time I figured out the twist by mid movie.

Happy Birthday to my oldest daughter.  She is 14 years old today.  Ugh I'm old.

Last night I watched a borrowed copy of "Bowling for Columbine".  I was curious about it just because I enjoyed "Fahrenheit 911".  However, I was skeptical because I am a supporter of the right to own a firearm.  So, this was a chance to put my own political beliefs to the test.  In the end I decided that the show wasn't really bashing gun rights as I was told.  It was bashing the national media and the society of fear we live in.  That was touched upon somewhat in "F911" and I saw the truth in it.  Now, looking back I now realize that the American society has always been in a state of fear.  The cold war, terrorists, Y2K, crime, etc etc.  And it's not just the black hearted Republicans who do it but everyone in the political and journalistic system.  A point was well made in BFC, when we are afraid, we buy things.  That makes us more efficient consumers.

I for one am more than just a consumer.

I was reading a bit about the ancient Egyptian culture last night and their belief system.  Not so much their religion but just their views on life.  Egyptians believed in the ma'at which is their level of spiritual and mental happiness on earth.  If one has a high amount of ma'at in their life, when they die it goes with them into the afterlife.  Now, I am an Orthodox Christian and most of us can be pretty dour when it comes to life and suffering(especially the Russians).  I have never really bought into that philosophy.  It just seems that God would want his servants to be happy and content.  Some would argue that contentedness brings complacency and that brings a lack of need for a divine presence in our lives.  Hence we become our own Gods like the new agers believe.  But, when one is vigilant and actually loves Christ in his heart then I think that changes somewhat.  Surely the Greeks are a happy and contented people while still serving God faithfully.  This is what I strive for and desire.  When we love our creator, we love that image within ourselves and we are happy.  Earthly desires were in the Garden before sin.

Whew!!  what brought that on?  I guess that is my religious ramblings for the year.  :-)

In other news, today I listened to my second daughter read a story to her siblings.  I must say she is a good reader.  She told the story with inflection and followed punctuation and grammar perfectly.  She even made voices for the characters in the story.  I am glad that she has this ability.  So many times I would hear people in High School read and they sounded like they should be in remedial 3rd grade reading.  She is a smart girl and with guidance she will go far in this world.

Life goes on and we learn to accept our losses, as painful as they may be.  Frankly, I love this house I am in, if that is possible.  I represents security and comfort to me.  I represents a chance for me to stop wandering and have someplace to call a home.  Something I have never had in my life.  I am deeply bitter that it may be taken from me.  However, I know it is my own fault.  I should have nailed the owner down to a purchasing agreement.  I should have been the untrusting, legal eagle to draft a contract.  However, as usual I am trusting of people.  I yearn so much for a world where a persons word is their bond.  Where honor and integrity is more valuable than money.  To my grief I do not live in such a world.

There is one more chance to be had, a chance that like everything else in my life relies heavily on the mercy of God above to work.  My Dads best friend is a mortgage broker.  He is coming up here next week to look at the house and explore whether he can finance it or not.  Then, we may be able to make an offer on the house and hope that our "opponent" fails in his attempt to get a loan.  As I said before...  it is in God's hands.

I am doing my best to fight a losing war against depression.  I find that I don't want to mow the lawn or even clean the house because of what has happened.  I've gone from having pride in home ownership, or at least the chance to, to being just another renter.  The thought of finding another house to rent makes me literally sick to my stomach.  Landlords are the scum of the earth and I hate dealing with them.

I still hope that this home is not a lost cause.  It could very well turn out that the slimy weasle that bought it out from under us could not find financing.  One can only hope I guess.  I've said it before many many times, I will have faith in God that all will turn out in the end.

It's funny how things turn out though.  I sold my soft top for my Jeep this past weekend.  An Ebay buyer paid me $500 bucks for it.  I will buy a few things I really want but for the most part the money has to be used for bills.

"Stand and Fight!!!
 Live by your heart. 
 Always one more try, I'm not afraid to die.
 Those who lie and crowd the path and cut each others throats, shall fall like melting snow.
 They'll watch us rise, with fire in our eyes, they'll bow their heads their hearts will lay low.
 Then we'll laugh and they will kneel and know this Heart of Steel
 Was too hard to break, too hard to hold."

ManOWar  --  Heart of Steel

I've decided to fight this.  They breeched their contract with us.  They are trying to profit from our hard work.  They are trying to steal our home.  This shall not stand!