We had a spectacular thunderstorm today, followed immediately by pouring rain. It was the kind of rain that only comes in the springtime. The kind of rain that brings hope of a new day and the end of hard times. The kind of rain that heralds the end of winter. It made my heart glad.

I look to the future and our choice and the coming hardship with anticipation. Like standing before a rite of passage and savoring not the coming pain but the glory and happiness that comes afterwards. This must have been what it was like for settlers preparing to make the passage across the country in covered wagons. Funny how we take nearly the same route with nearly the same starting point. Fortunately for us the trip will take a few days instead of several months.

My daughter continues to improve and is in remarkably good spirits today. She got to play vollyball, and from what I understand won, which is a very good sign. The doctor thinks she'll be coming home after this weekend. It'll be good to have her back because her presence here has been sorely missed.

Yesterday I played another of my now weekly games with SC. He is a great player and a good sport. Of course, I lost but that is expected. With him it is not the joy in winning but simply the joy in playing. That is rare to find in the world of tabletop gamers, and a trait that I wished I possessed. He is a remarkable person and one that I can call a true friend. Of anything that I will miss in this place, it will be him.

My girl is still progressing nicely. We had a session with her and the therapist. We are hopeful that she will come home soon.

I had a acute attack of guilt about this whole affair today. I think that I was too hard on my daughter and didn't do enough to comfort and love her. I tend to be a bit distant because I am the disciplinarian of the house. But, I don't think it will be that way anymore. This made me realize that my kids and my wife are absolutely the most important things in my life.

We starting crunching numbers today regarding the move back to California. At the very least it will cost us around $2,000 just to get there. We are selling some valuables and saving money for that expense. I'll probably also have to beg and borrow money. But, I will not let that deter me from this task. My oath stands, and we will make it happen in what ever way we can.

I can only hope that God in his mercy will see us along. Let this nightmare end.

My daughter is doing much better today. She was a fairly good spirits all things considered. She even opened up to us a little. I am pleased to have seen a smile on her face once again. As it stands now she will stay in the hospital for a few more days under watch, and being evaluated by the psychiatrist.

I am still in a boiling rage over this whole issue and I want to lash out at someone. Fortunately, I am restraining my anger and trying to turn it into a fervor to return home. I am more resolved then ever and set on my previous oath. Everyone in the family is excited about returning except for my wife. She is worried about the uncertain future. However, she doesn't see that our future is even more uncertain and even bleak if we stay here. If it is the last thing I do we will return to the place where my children can be happy and accepted for who they are.

One of the things that has really been eating at me is that the school here won't do anything about the apparent suicide pact amongst the group of girls my daughter hangs out with. It was indicated that a "letter" would be sent home to parents about this situation. However, so far not even that has been done. What is wrong with the teachers/parents in this place? Do they disvalue the lives of their children so much!!! We have to get out of here... If to just save the lives of our precious children.

Again I am frustrated as to why we even came here. To be around family? Yeah like that has happened!! GW just used me up and spit me out. I was so sure they would value my obedience and fervor but in the end I was placed in the hands of an honorless worm. Or as I like to call him... The King of Rats. I digress, but it should be noted that today is the anniversary of my first day working for GW. If I could only talk to myself a year ago, this could all have been avoided.

This will be perhaps the saddest journal entry to date. Today my oldest daughter tried to commit suicide. She took a bunch of pills with her to school and swallowed them down during P.E. School officals found out and she was rushed by ambulance to Memphis. Luckily, they got to her in time. As I write this she is in a psychiatric ward in Memphis under watch. Tommorrow she will talk to a counselor and hopefully they will give her the help she needs. To my deep sorrow, I am unable to help her because she won't talk to me anymore.

What little I did get out of her and others I was able to paint into a picture of her life at school. Despite my orders she had a boyfriend at school. Apparently, she broke up with him recently because she wouldn't have sex with him. Now, he is dating her friend and is scornful of my daughter. So much so that hes been hitting her. Then to boot, my daughter got involved with a group of "misfit" kids who had a suicide pact. About a month ago one of her friends in this group tried to kill herself the same way. Also, because she is from California and considered a "Yankee" she is considered an outcast. Everyone thinks she is "too smart" to be a cool kid.

I am personally heartbroken about this whole affair. I find myself wanting to murder this verminous piece of southern white trash that hurt my daughter. Our family has been through so much pain and anguish. We don't need this pile of infectious human waste adding to our grief. I want so much to go to her school tommorrow and confront him. But, I fear that my rage would carry me too far and I would be spending hard time in the Mississippi chain gangs.

I feel so helpless. Like a shepherd trying in vain to protect his flock from a pack of hyenas. I don't know what to do. Now, I fear for everyone here. This cuts at the very core of my identity as a man, as a father. Why now!?!? Why ever?!?! I hate this world all the more for kicking a person when they are down. All honor, all justice, all the ideals that we hold as noble are dead to this scab we call a society. How will we survive? We have no family or friends who will come to our aid. Everyone just sits from afar and says "oh poor you" and in the back of their minds their saying "I'm glad it's not my kid". We are lost and alone, left to die in this wretched wasteland.

But, this place will not be the death of us. I will not see us overcome. We are Armenian, survivors of endless massacres and the unwanted children of this earth. To that end we are leaving this place. Mississippi, hell the whole South can kiss my rebel ass! Let them plow over their wild places and turn their daughters to whores. We will not be lost to their heartless ways. We are better than this. By the end of this month we will be gone, or I will be dead... That is my oath as God and everyone reading this writing is my witness. No more will this wasteland and their dead hearts hear the name of Kalayjian.