Today I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. I guess its finally hitting me that I lost my job. I don't want to do anything but listen to music and sulk. We're so far away from everything and everyone. I thought I was lonely and depressed before.

I applied for a position with the railroad in Siskiyou Co. It's a tough job that pays alot. If I get it I'll be following in my Father's footsteps. He worked that same job out of that same station for many years. In fact, I think he was about my age when he got the job. If I do get hired there I will at least have more in common with my Dad and have alot more to talk about with him.

I feel uterly usless... I have all these people depending on me for there very existence and I can't provide for them. I am bound to this fate and to their future. Yet I feel like I am not strong enough to live up to this task. It makes me hate the world even more and resent the heartless people who would fire someone a month before Christmas and at the very doorstep of winter. They brought me to this place far from my home, family and friends. Now they expect me to just go away because they think they don't need me anymore. Where is there justice or compassion. They hide their evil deeds behind the notion that it's "just business".

I sent an email to the company today demanding that they relocate us back to Siskiyou county. We'll see what they say on Monday

Well, I'm sad to report that the worst has happened at my beloved job with Games Workshop. My boss tried to get me to sign a letter today saying I was resigning my position with the company. Naturally, since I need to get unemployment I could and did not sign the letter. Also, it was against my morals to sign the letter simply because I firmly believe that I did nothing wrong. In fact, I stayed true and faithful to the company right up to the very end. Even when I had a strong inkling that they were going to let me go. What it comes down to is that I took the high road and my bosses took the low road. I can at least leave with a clean conscience.

Where we go from here I simply do not know. I have no plans or schemes for the future. My whole direction was centered on Games Workshop. So, I need to spend the next few days soul searching and praying. I think it's safe to say that our future is entirely in Gods hands.

Speaking of that, today we attended Church for the first time in a long time. We went to an Antiochian Orthodox Church in Memphis. The Priest heard our confessions and we attended Liturgy to celebrate the presentation of the Theotokos before the Temple. It was so wonderful to relieve myself of all my guilt and to take communion again. It had been too long. Way too long. Spiritually, I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's funny how I lost something today that I thought was an important aspect of my life, and then I regained something that is clearly the most important thing in my life.

I now feel like we are headed for a bright future in whatever we are led to do. Remember the lillies of the fields.

All is not well at work. Tensions are high again and tempers are flaring. It's like working in an ice house with no coat on. I don't really know what to do but remain faithful to my job and the task that I was trained for. I was told once that as long as you adhear to honesty, courage and humility you'll never lose your job at Games Workshop. One guy has already been fired, lets see if that holds true.

Yesterday the guys and I at work did a good deed. We've had a guy coming into the store that has been playing Necrons. Well, he's been losing alot and was getting a bit frustrated. I was afraid we'd lose him as a gamer and as a customer. So, we looked at his army and decided that he needed more firepower. I made a deal with him that if he bought and played the new Return of the King game that we'd paint up a squad for him to bolster his army. We got the squad done yesterday and man does it look HOT!!! It will be the centerpiece of his army. It'll be interesting to see if he wins more games now.

I got to speak to my Armenian brother today. With the maelstrom of things over the past few days it's really good to hear a familiar voice. I miss home so much. There's a website I go to periodically that lets me see the railyard in Dunsmuir. I also read the newspaper online so that I can keep up with events there. Perhaps I'm just prolonging my agony by keeping up on things there.

Anyway, back to my Armenian brother... He is doing pretty good. His wife landed a great job working with animals, which is something she loves to do. They just moved into a house they bought in town. I'm really kind of envious. Anyone who has read my blog knows how much I wanted to buy a house and settle down. Especially in Siskiyou County. I am very happy for them though. It's good for me I think to have that connection with my hometown.