Eight months later I am updating my blog on my trip to Europe. Please forgive me for my careless negligence. I guess I can say that it took me this long to process everything.
France: To say it was beautiful and breathtaking and inspiring would be cliché. Nor would it be entirely accurate because it was much more than that. To see in the different world of different people who have different dreams and notions about life, was a epiphany for me. Food that is fresh, bread that was so delicious, wine, meat, cheese... you name it. To eat there was to realize that as an American I am subject to eating what amounts to clean garbage on a day to day basis. Of this, I am jealous and resentful.
Art was all around me. The French do not relegate beauty to an afterthought. It is integral to the form and function of their architecture. Even bridges slums were tagged by graffiti artists with the most beautiful and colorful bits of street artistry you can imagine. How does a society instill the love of beauty in it's people? Ask France.
My cousin and his family were delightful people. Calm, dignified and somewhat stoic. Their homes were immaculately kept. Their clothes and style was superb. I dressed and acted like a peasant around them. Even the "Pompomyeros", as my cousin called the drunks living on the streets, dressed better than me. I frankly felt a bit embarrassed for myself. Our conversations were always a delight, even when we discussed things that were unpleasant. I could tell towards the end that I had overstayed my welcome, but that did not diminish their hospitality.
As for the birds and trees... they did not speak to me. The birds kept to their business and the trees acted like they were slumbering. Now let me be clear, I'm not saying I spoke to these things. But, there is a way that living beings can communicate with each other. A silent connection of empathy where we convey emotion and connection. Birds will watch and interact with you. Trees will give you a general sense of recognition and feeling. These are not super powers or magic, this is the way of things and can be sensed by all when they let themselves see it.
Of final note, my cousin indicated that he had read this blog and knew of the various struggles and triumphs that I have documented herein. I felt exposed and embarrassed. But, in afterthought this is why I made this blog, so I found peace with it.
Next I will talk about Rome... hopefully sooner than the last post.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Thursday, March 24, 2016
History pt 5
When I look into the familiar forest I see a doorway. I see a fuzzy curtain that leads to a safe and quiet place, a place free from upset, and place free from fear, free from sadness and grief.
It calls to me. Every time I see it, I hear the call. I hear her calling me.
Someday I will part the veil and return to the place that I belong.
It calls to me. Every time I see it, I hear the call. I hear her calling me.
Someday I will part the veil and return to the place that I belong.
History pt 4
A dog can become a man. He can be taught to obey rules and conventions. He can be taught to know shame. But, a man cannot become a dog. Once he has learned shame, he may not unlearn it. Once he comes to hate what he is, it becomes impossible to know love again.
My mate spoke to me of the "big scary dog" she saw on the trail. She did not recognize me, but in her heart I think she knew. I stopped going to the trail, and remarkably enough the glorious curse did not come to me again. I saw the Burning Woman many times since, but she does not try to talk to me anymore. She just listens intently, as if she is waiting for me to say something.
I joined the Temple of Terrified Smiles and was eventually washed of my sins. But the Sacrificed God still knew, and he would not talk to me. The great blessings that he offered to others was denied to me, my love, and our family. In time, even the false shepherds sensed something. They smelled the beast, and I smelled their fear. So, we left.
I was with my son when he was very young. We were with what I thought were dear friends, out in the familiar woods that I had once joyously stalked the fearful many years before. I had forgotten about that time like a bad dream that had no meaning. So, I was a man.
In jest and humor, I played the laughing games that men play with one another. Yet, with corruption and loathing in their hearts, a disparaging word was said. The frivolity and brotherhood drained in an instance as a dire insult was given. The scars of rejection were tore open again, and the primal rage took hold. The rage of the beast that was nailed down by loathing and fear. He came to the surface. The glorious curse did not come but the wounded wolf did. He smelled fear, he smelled terror in the familiar forest that he once reigned supreme.
The joy of meeting a lost friend once again was intoxicating. But, it was not without a cost. My human friends were driven to terror. They ran, they collapsed, they cried out with tears. All of them trembled, except for my son, who stood by unafraid. Perhaps the Burning Woman had visited him?
Some time later, one of the men who had reconciled with me confided that he was terrified that day. He said he never wanted to see that side of me again.
My mate spoke to me of the "big scary dog" she saw on the trail. She did not recognize me, but in her heart I think she knew. I stopped going to the trail, and remarkably enough the glorious curse did not come to me again. I saw the Burning Woman many times since, but she does not try to talk to me anymore. She just listens intently, as if she is waiting for me to say something.
I joined the Temple of Terrified Smiles and was eventually washed of my sins. But the Sacrificed God still knew, and he would not talk to me. The great blessings that he offered to others was denied to me, my love, and our family. In time, even the false shepherds sensed something. They smelled the beast, and I smelled their fear. So, we left.
I was with my son when he was very young. We were with what I thought were dear friends, out in the familiar woods that I had once joyously stalked the fearful many years before. I had forgotten about that time like a bad dream that had no meaning. So, I was a man.
In jest and humor, I played the laughing games that men play with one another. Yet, with corruption and loathing in their hearts, a disparaging word was said. The frivolity and brotherhood drained in an instance as a dire insult was given. The scars of rejection were tore open again, and the primal rage took hold. The rage of the beast that was nailed down by loathing and fear. He came to the surface. The glorious curse did not come but the wounded wolf did. He smelled fear, he smelled terror in the familiar forest that he once reigned supreme.
The joy of meeting a lost friend once again was intoxicating. But, it was not without a cost. My human friends were driven to terror. They ran, they collapsed, they cried out with tears. All of them trembled, except for my son, who stood by unafraid. Perhaps the Burning Woman had visited him?
Some time later, one of the men who had reconciled with me confided that he was terrified that day. He said he never wanted to see that side of me again.
History pt 3
Years went by, and the glory came, always like a dream. I did not enjoy it. Self-loathing and fear held me tight. I was scarred by their chains. Yet, always the Burning Lady came to me. She smiled at me from afar. I trembled at her for the gift she brought me that I was not prepared for. She continued to speak to me, but I could not hear her.
I came to recognize the fear I brought to others. Once, I followed someone who dared to come into my safe, familiar forest. They did not see me, but their terror was thick. They screamed at me as they ran, and I chased them with great joy. Like a child with a new toy. My laughter was great, for the first time I felt a purpose to this curse that was my glory. So, I did it many times, always careful enough not to be seen. To this day, they never knew it was me. But, they all loathed my familiar forest and I was glad.
The love of my life was like me. She was rejected by people. Ostracized for being different. She is beautiful, and the light within her is beautiful. But, she rarely lets the light shine because she loathes the world that rejected her. She was more like me than she knows.
I feared to tell her of my glorious curse, so I hid it from her. I would go alone into the woods and she never asked why, or wanted to go. In the trees I sat and watched the people go by. They never saw me.
One Spring day on the trail, I wallowed in my glorious curse. I saw her, my love, my mate. She was walking on the trail, looking for me, with our daughter in her arms. Years of not wanting to go into the woods was laid aside this day as she set out on an adventure to find me.
Fear, loathing, shame, nakedness, terror, trembling all seized me. The chains tightened around my throat. Maybe, like the girl in the woods long before, she would see me and accept me. Maybe she would call to me. Maybe she would recognize me and free me from my bonds of shame. I could show her my glory, and she could meet the Burning Lady. Or maybe she would run from me and I would lose my mate. I would never see the light in her eyes again.
She drew closer, clutching our child in her arms. I hesitated... I stopped breathing.
She saw me. I smelled her fear. The beast wanted to chase her and laugh, the man was locked in fear.
She turned on the trail and fled home. I remained on the trail in shame. My self-loathing was all-encompassing. It became the nail that pierced my heart. If my mother could not accept me, and my mate could not accept me, then I was unredeemable. I cursed the very day that the Burning Woman came to me. I cursed my glorious gift. I remained unprepared.
I came to recognize the fear I brought to others. Once, I followed someone who dared to come into my safe, familiar forest. They did not see me, but their terror was thick. They screamed at me as they ran, and I chased them with great joy. Like a child with a new toy. My laughter was great, for the first time I felt a purpose to this curse that was my glory. So, I did it many times, always careful enough not to be seen. To this day, they never knew it was me. But, they all loathed my familiar forest and I was glad.
The love of my life was like me. She was rejected by people. Ostracized for being different. She is beautiful, and the light within her is beautiful. But, she rarely lets the light shine because she loathes the world that rejected her. She was more like me than she knows.
I feared to tell her of my glorious curse, so I hid it from her. I would go alone into the woods and she never asked why, or wanted to go. In the trees I sat and watched the people go by. They never saw me.
One Spring day on the trail, I wallowed in my glorious curse. I saw her, my love, my mate. She was walking on the trail, looking for me, with our daughter in her arms. Years of not wanting to go into the woods was laid aside this day as she set out on an adventure to find me.
Fear, loathing, shame, nakedness, terror, trembling all seized me. The chains tightened around my throat. Maybe, like the girl in the woods long before, she would see me and accept me. Maybe she would call to me. Maybe she would recognize me and free me from my bonds of shame. I could show her my glory, and she could meet the Burning Lady. Or maybe she would run from me and I would lose my mate. I would never see the light in her eyes again.
She drew closer, clutching our child in her arms. I hesitated... I stopped breathing.
She saw me. I smelled her fear. The beast wanted to chase her and laugh, the man was locked in fear.
She turned on the trail and fled home. I remained on the trail in shame. My self-loathing was all-encompassing. It became the nail that pierced my heart. If my mother could not accept me, and my mate could not accept me, then I was unredeemable. I cursed the very day that the Burning Woman came to me. I cursed my glorious gift. I remained unprepared.
History pt 2
The gift was relentless, the glory would not leave. Despite that it came to a pitiful, frightful shell. Each time I felt it coming, and each time I hid in the familiar trees. Not knowing why this came to me, but knowing that I was unaccepted. I could not accept the ecstasy of running wild.
I would sit in the Temple of Terrified Smiles, knowing that I didn't belong. Listening to their message of false hope. Knowing that if they saw me, they would fear. So, I remained ashamed. I told the shepherd once about the Burning Woman, he told me about demons and filled me with more fear. He offered to save me, he even prayed to the Silent God for me. Yet the God-that-was-Sacrificed did not speak to me, because he knew.
I was once at a feast with the Flock of Terrified Smiles, they were playing games and laughing. I felt the glory come upon me, so I ran into the familiar woods in fear. In the trees and bushes I sat with shame. My spirit wanted to run and be free but I remained unprepared. Then, a girl saw me. She came close and I trembled. She called to me and I was naked and ashamed. She came too close, and I ran away. Hiding in the forest, I trembled and cried. Terror, shame and sadness became my iron shackles. When the glory left me, I returned to the feast. The shepherd was furious with me. The food was gone, and the games were over. But, I saw the girl again. I felt fear, but she did not recognize me. She only spoke of the wolf in the trees.
I would sit in the Temple of Terrified Smiles, knowing that I didn't belong. Listening to their message of false hope. Knowing that if they saw me, they would fear. So, I remained ashamed. I told the shepherd once about the Burning Woman, he told me about demons and filled me with more fear. He offered to save me, he even prayed to the Silent God for me. Yet the God-that-was-Sacrificed did not speak to me, because he knew.
I was once at a feast with the Flock of Terrified Smiles, they were playing games and laughing. I felt the glory come upon me, so I ran into the familiar woods in fear. In the trees and bushes I sat with shame. My spirit wanted to run and be free but I remained unprepared. Then, a girl saw me. She came close and I trembled. She called to me and I was naked and ashamed. She came too close, and I ran away. Hiding in the forest, I trembled and cried. Terror, shame and sadness became my iron shackles. When the glory left me, I returned to the feast. The shepherd was furious with me. The food was gone, and the games were over. But, I saw the girl again. I felt fear, but she did not recognize me. She only spoke of the wolf in the trees.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
History pt I
The following was written while sitting in the San Francisco International Airport waiting for my cousin to fly in from France. It is from the deepest parts of my spirit.
L'historia pt I 08-27-15
My mother was a broken soul. born into a callous family that did not want her. Her own mother died without imparting love and compassion to her. She was incapable of love. The bottle was her only friend.
She was cruelly betrayed early in her marriage. Fear of rejection became realized, her grasp of love proved fleeting. She sought what she needed in the arms of others, many times. Only to always return to the face of rejection and misery. The bottle remains her true and faithful companion.
In her search, she bore many children. Their faces continually reminded her of the failed quest. She could not love the for she did not know love. She did not truly believe in it.
In one of her misadventures, I was brought into this world. I was a ripe seed laid on infertile ground. I craved love, I craved security, I craved acceptance. But, it was never to be given. Moving from place to place, dragging her baggage.
Our family rejected me. I did not look like them, I did not think like them, I did not act like them. I was like a scar, and reminder of a wound. They sensed in me the predator, and wolf among sheep.
In my eleventh year, She came to me. I saw her face upon the hillside, burning like an angry brand. She spoke to me, but I could not hear her words. My heart was filled with great loathing and fear for the message and gift she brought me.
I had been raised in the Temple of Terrified Smiles, and not ready for the glory that she brought me. I was not ready for my birthright.
On a summers day I walked alone through the forest. It was my only true home, where I felt safe from her friend the bottle. The glory came upon me, and I laid down in the grass. Soon, I was running like the wind on four legs. Dark green leaves hit me in the face. I was free!!! Words cannot describe the enormity of the passion, so I will not even try. Suffice to say it was as if I was dead before, and now come to life. I wanted to run forever.
Then, they saw me. How could others see me in my dream? They called to me, they mocked me. I heard their voices, and saw their faces. I was reminded what I used to be. I was naked before them. I was afraid. Afraid, afraid, afraid!!! What could they do to me? What would they think of me? I had this glorious gift, from a terrifying burning lady, and now I was ashamed of it. Fear and shame made me hide back in the forest. In time, I woke up and cried.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
L'historia pt I 08-27-15
My mother was a broken soul. born into a callous family that did not want her. Her own mother died without imparting love and compassion to her. She was incapable of love. The bottle was her only friend.
She was cruelly betrayed early in her marriage. Fear of rejection became realized, her grasp of love proved fleeting. She sought what she needed in the arms of others, many times. Only to always return to the face of rejection and misery. The bottle remains her true and faithful companion.
In her search, she bore many children. Their faces continually reminded her of the failed quest. She could not love the for she did not know love. She did not truly believe in it.
In one of her misadventures, I was brought into this world. I was a ripe seed laid on infertile ground. I craved love, I craved security, I craved acceptance. But, it was never to be given. Moving from place to place, dragging her baggage.
Our family rejected me. I did not look like them, I did not think like them, I did not act like them. I was like a scar, and reminder of a wound. They sensed in me the predator, and wolf among sheep.
In my eleventh year, She came to me. I saw her face upon the hillside, burning like an angry brand. She spoke to me, but I could not hear her words. My heart was filled with great loathing and fear for the message and gift she brought me.
I had been raised in the Temple of Terrified Smiles, and not ready for the glory that she brought me. I was not ready for my birthright.
On a summers day I walked alone through the forest. It was my only true home, where I felt safe from her friend the bottle. The glory came upon me, and I laid down in the grass. Soon, I was running like the wind on four legs. Dark green leaves hit me in the face. I was free!!! Words cannot describe the enormity of the passion, so I will not even try. Suffice to say it was as if I was dead before, and now come to life. I wanted to run forever.
Then, they saw me. How could others see me in my dream? They called to me, they mocked me. I heard their voices, and saw their faces. I was reminded what I used to be. I was naked before them. I was afraid. Afraid, afraid, afraid!!! What could they do to me? What would they think of me? I had this glorious gift, from a terrifying burning lady, and now I was ashamed of it. Fear and shame made me hide back in the forest. In time, I woke up and cried.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Musings pt II
Musings after Midnight 06-13-15
Exhaustion is a wonderous thing.
It takes the logic from the philosopher
It takes the zeal from the fanatic
It takes compassion from the saint
It humbles the proud
It puts everyone in their rightful place
face down asleep
Mother Moon 08-24-15
Alas my mother the Moon
In solitude you drift on sable seas
Peaceful and silent is your watch
Like a faithful guardian you wait,
and you listen
I look to you in sorrow,
searching for the words to lift from my burdened heart
Softly you whisper with a mother's voice
Be happy my child, I see you, I watch you,
and I am here for you.
You are not alone
In a way that no logic can grasp you comfort me.
Your silvery arms do hold me tight
Your cool breath gives me life amongst the trees
I am forever your child, and I am not alone.
Rejection 08-27-15
I do not belong in this world.
I do not belong in this world.
I am a fossil of a lost age that this world rejects.
In my dreams I see smiling, laughing faces of children in colorful clothing
They frolic with animals that are like their siblings
They are in green fields that remain unpierced by fence, pole, or blade
The winds and clouds blow gently past
They do not know pain, hunger or fear.
I belong in the trees.
My path lies in the quiet forests
The earth is my mother
and she does not reject me.
Where is my world?
Exhaustion is a wonderous thing.
It takes the logic from the philosopher
It takes the zeal from the fanatic
It takes compassion from the saint
It humbles the proud
It puts everyone in their rightful place
face down asleep
Mother Moon 08-24-15
Alas my mother the Moon
In solitude you drift on sable seas
Peaceful and silent is your watch
Like a faithful guardian you wait,
and you listen
I look to you in sorrow,
searching for the words to lift from my burdened heart
Softly you whisper with a mother's voice
Be happy my child, I see you, I watch you,
and I am here for you.
You are not alone
In a way that no logic can grasp you comfort me.
Your silvery arms do hold me tight
Your cool breath gives me life amongst the trees
I am forever your child, and I am not alone.
Rejection 08-27-15
I do not belong in this world.
I do not belong in this world.
I am a fossil of a lost age that this world rejects.
In my dreams I see smiling, laughing faces of children in colorful clothing
They frolic with animals that are like their siblings
They are in green fields that remain unpierced by fence, pole, or blade
The winds and clouds blow gently past
They do not know pain, hunger or fear.
I belong in the trees.
My path lies in the quiet forests
The earth is my mother
and she does not reject me.
Where is my world?
Musings
So, recently I took to writing on the notepad of my phone. Since I am clearing my phone out before the trip, I have decided to transcribe some of these gems into this blog for posterity. Enjoy!
__________________________________________________________________
06-08-2015
The wrong that was made right
My footsteps are on the trail of ghosts
My strength, like the sail of a ship
The wind at my back is the urging of my ancestors
I go this night to find a child that is lost to us.
Innocence taken by bloodthirsty jackles
Mother Moon, help me to show her the magic of the world
Help me to teach her of our ancestors
Help me to wake her to the suffering of Mother Earth
By my claws I will right this wrong
By my roar I will claim victory over this injustice
With their strength behind me I will take back the children lost
Through me they will live the dream that was denied
That not one more drop of our sacred blood will be lost.
Though we may only have a short time together
may I be allowed to answer the question her soul holds
May she never doubt that she was wanted
May she live her life knowing that this cloud of ghosts stand behind her as well
May she become like our Mother Moon,
a vigilant, gentle and loving light in the darkness.
---------------------------------------------
I wrote this while on the way to get my granddaughter for the summer. It was a sweet reunion, I had not seen her for several years. I hope to do the same this summer.
Once your feet touch the road...
Tomorrow, I depart for France and Italy for two weeks. I am most fortunate enough to be traveling with my elderly father. This will surely be a bonding moment between the two of us. It will also be a herculean test of my patience. My dad likes to control just about every moment of our time together. But, for the opportunity to see France, and to walk through the old city of Rome, I will endure whatever control I have to suffer.
I am sad in my heart though that my wife is not going with me. For a moment we had to money to bring her along. But, the chains of our obligations at home prevent us from taking such a vacation together. Soon enough, we will go. But, I am terrified that "soon" will never get here and the joyous memories of an adventure with my spouse will never be mine to cherish. Perhaps a trip such as this will awaken her need to see the world with me.
Part of the reason for this trip is the chance to visit with my long, lost cousin. We started corresponding a few years ago, and last summer he took a trip to the States with his lovely wife to meet us. This is our effort to reciprocate and to meet others that might be related to us from this "lost" side of the family. Specifically, they come from a boy of my grandmother(so my uncle) that survived and moved to Morocco. He joined the French Foreign Legion and was stationed all over before being discharged and given French citizenship.
As for my trip, I am excited to smell the air and visit with the trees and birds of France. I have promised myself that no matter how cold it is, I will wade into the Mediterranean sea. I also am excited for the food. Best bread in the world I am told, and pastries that are to die for. Though, where I am going I hear they eat a lot of seafood. I'll eat fish, but I won't touch shellfish. I hope it doesn't lead to an awkward moment with my relatives. I'd hate to get labelled as an "Ugly American".
Hoping for the best. Bon Voyage
I am sad in my heart though that my wife is not going with me. For a moment we had to money to bring her along. But, the chains of our obligations at home prevent us from taking such a vacation together. Soon enough, we will go. But, I am terrified that "soon" will never get here and the joyous memories of an adventure with my spouse will never be mine to cherish. Perhaps a trip such as this will awaken her need to see the world with me.
Part of the reason for this trip is the chance to visit with my long, lost cousin. We started corresponding a few years ago, and last summer he took a trip to the States with his lovely wife to meet us. This is our effort to reciprocate and to meet others that might be related to us from this "lost" side of the family. Specifically, they come from a boy of my grandmother(so my uncle) that survived and moved to Morocco. He joined the French Foreign Legion and was stationed all over before being discharged and given French citizenship.
As for my trip, I am excited to smell the air and visit with the trees and birds of France. I have promised myself that no matter how cold it is, I will wade into the Mediterranean sea. I also am excited for the food. Best bread in the world I am told, and pastries that are to die for. Though, where I am going I hear they eat a lot of seafood. I'll eat fish, but I won't touch shellfish. I hope it doesn't lead to an awkward moment with my relatives. I'd hate to get labelled as an "Ugly American".
Hoping for the best. Bon Voyage
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
I soar with Eagles
Funny thing about not being depressed or in despair is that I have less inclination to write down my feelings in my blog.
Yeah, you heard me right. I am not depressed. Sure, the melancholy bug bites me once in a while. But, I no longer have the months upon months of crushing self-hatred, despair, etc etc.
So, how did I beat it? Did I grow out of it? I still have problems, health wise I hurt a lot in my back and shoulder... just like before. We still struggle to pay our bills and keep food on the table. So, what is my secret?
I gave up...
I gave up pursuing a God that did not find me acceptable. I gave up feeling like I was sinful and unworthy. I gave up hating myself whenever I did something that Christianity regards as wrong.
The day I looked up at Mother Moon and realized that she has always been there for me. The day that I touched the earth and realized that Mother Earth did not judge or despise me, that she loved me and that I belonged in this day and this time. This was the moment that it all went away. This was the moment that I was set free to soar with the eagles.
Can you do it too? I don't know. It was an epiphany for me. These revelations came to me and I believed them. I did not doubt, I did not fret over the chains of an old life that was meaningless. I accepted them as truth, and I came to regret all the wasted time I spent in the Temple of the Sacrificed God.
Now, I do good deeds because I want to, not because I believe a judgmental God was watching. Now I stand up for the weak and the poor because it is the right thing to do, not because I am commanded by a God that won't do the very thing he tells me to do.
I realize that a true and good God would not want you to worship him/her, but would want you to live a good and happy life and be thankful for their gift of life.
Yes, I have lost friends and family because of this new way of thinking. Yes, I have been judged by those who do not understand. But, in my heart I am overjoyed and I could never imagine going back.
I soar with eagles.
Yeah, you heard me right. I am not depressed. Sure, the melancholy bug bites me once in a while. But, I no longer have the months upon months of crushing self-hatred, despair, etc etc.
So, how did I beat it? Did I grow out of it? I still have problems, health wise I hurt a lot in my back and shoulder... just like before. We still struggle to pay our bills and keep food on the table. So, what is my secret?
I gave up...
I gave up pursuing a God that did not find me acceptable. I gave up feeling like I was sinful and unworthy. I gave up hating myself whenever I did something that Christianity regards as wrong.
The day I looked up at Mother Moon and realized that she has always been there for me. The day that I touched the earth and realized that Mother Earth did not judge or despise me, that she loved me and that I belonged in this day and this time. This was the moment that it all went away. This was the moment that I was set free to soar with the eagles.
Can you do it too? I don't know. It was an epiphany for me. These revelations came to me and I believed them. I did not doubt, I did not fret over the chains of an old life that was meaningless. I accepted them as truth, and I came to regret all the wasted time I spent in the Temple of the Sacrificed God.
Now, I do good deeds because I want to, not because I believe a judgmental God was watching. Now I stand up for the weak and the poor because it is the right thing to do, not because I am commanded by a God that won't do the very thing he tells me to do.
I realize that a true and good God would not want you to worship him/her, but would want you to live a good and happy life and be thankful for their gift of life.
Yes, I have lost friends and family because of this new way of thinking. Yes, I have been judged by those who do not understand. But, in my heart I am overjoyed and I could never imagine going back.
I soar with eagles.
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