But, like a slow acting poison, it can destroy those who ingest it too frequently.
What do I mean? Well, as a Christian I used to place all my faith in God and then wait patiently in sorrow for a thing to occur. Often, it did not come and I would say "it was Gods will", only to feel disappointed, and unworthy. Inside I would feel as though my faith was inadequate and that my hopes and dreams are selfish or displeasing to God.
In the end I would be greatly hesitant to ask for anything for fear of the greater pain of being let down.
Then, I woke up to the fact that diety is not all powerful. That some things are quite beyond their power to change or influence. The Gods that I embrace now have great love for me and a desire to see me prosper. In short, they have my back. But, they can only help me so much. They are wiser than me and can guess the outcomes of a plan or desire, and they let me know if something will surely fail.
But, the scars of the chains of my old life and old way of thinking often ache with an unforgettable pain. And so I feel the apprehension and despair of the let down I fear when faced with a situation that is out of my control.
Wisdom tells me that I should not give in to my fear. That despair is just the negative chains of fear holding me from doing all that I can to strive for a positive outcome.
So, I am left wondering if plain faith is just empty and lifeless without hope, love and effort. Effort in imagining the outcome that I desire and putting my will and energy towards letting it happen. Instead of waiting for the light to switch to my favor, I am as a fish swimming with the current but at the same time paddling to the part of it where I want to be carried.
The wisdom of the salmon.
