Today brought me sweet remembrance...
I walked an old trail along the river today with my family. The sweet smells of summer along with the sound of the trees and the rushing water made me remember. The last time I changed was in this place on such a day. I of course, hid in the brush on that day and watched the hikers go by. But I recall clearly the existential feeling of it all.
So, what happened? Why was that my last day?
It was that summer that a train derailed and spilled a nasty poison in the river. It killed all river life for miles downstream. We lived on the river at the time and the windows to our bedroom were open. My wife and I awoke the next morning with nasty sore throats and pounding headaches. We fled the area for a week, but not before I walked down to the rivers edge to see the horror. I recall clearly seeing a dead baby deer lodged on a rock in the river. I remember looking at it and thinking that somehow something died in me as well.
So, I am corrupted.
Since then I have felt the bizarre urge to change... like a looming dread similar to feeling like you're going to throw up. But, it hasn't happened, or at least not completely.
I still smell things a mile away. I still have my night vision. I still have the inclination to bite and to hide in the woods. But, I am denied my birthright.
Perhaps remembering is the first step to finding it again.
