Been fighting with a bout of depression today. It all started when the landlord showed up at the house early this morning. He was furious because the kids left one of the gates open and his cows got out. He was called by the local police department while he was out of town on a trip. So, he had to return home to safeguard his herd. Needless to say he forbid the kids from playing anywhere on the property but our yard. It really hurts to have the kids confined like that but I very much understand his position.

What bothers me the most is that I really like a respect our landlord, and I want his respect and trust in return. But, this kind a thing only drives a wedge between us. Not only that but I am sure he is nervous about us moving out. I think he believes we will stiff him on the rent and leave the house a mess. Surely, that is not my intention. And I swore to him that we will live up to our end of this obligation.

Naturally, that makes our monetary situation that much more tenuous. Hence the bout of depression. It just seems that everyone is nipping on our heels for money and no one wants to lend much of a hand. Every penny that I have to shell out for something stupid just makes me feel that much farther from achieving our goal.

I've decided on a epitaph for my tombstone. It's another phrase from the movie "Conan the Barbarian" that reflects my life well.

"For us there is no Spring... Just the winds that smell fresh before the storm."

"There comes a time thief, when the jewels cease to sparkle. The Gold loses it's luster. When the throne room becomes a prison. And all that is left is a Father's love for his child"

King Osrik - Conan the Barbarian

This quote has never been more true in my life than now. My heart tells me that to save my children and let them live in a place where they are loved and accepted, I must move back to California. There is a large part of me, the reasoning mind, that says stay here and finish my education at Ole Miss. But, that is just a distraction, I must follow my heart!

We phoned a few houses today in Siskiyou County. We got some nice leads on a few places. One especially that is in a location we would prefer. We are expecting several applications in the mail. Funny thing is that for some reason there are a lot of houses listed for rent. Everyone I've talked to back there says they don't understand why there are so many rentals all of a sudden. Perhaps it is fate, perhaps it is a blessing. I just hope everything in this journey goes smoothly.

In other news, I am finding myself wondering if my old boss has run me down to more than just other people within GW. Is he the reason that I have not had many responses to job applications? If so I will find some way to exact vengeance on him. I have always said he is an honorless man. Lets see how he would like appearing in court to answer to slander. I'm just pissed off!!!

Had two incidents today that succeeded in shaking us up quite a bit. First, the power company stopped by to shut off our electricity. They wanted a bunch of money that we didn't have and would not negotiate or wait in the least bit. We ended up writing a check on the account that has the money we've been saving to move away with. Almost $300 buck down the tubes. Power here is very expensive.

Second I got a call from an old friend at Games Workshop. It seems that he was thinking of hiring me back in Seattle and wanted to ask me a few questions about my termination. After explaining the whole sordid affair with him he then tells me that he spoke to my old boss who painted a much different picture. In my friends words the victor writes the history and my reputation at GW is not good thanks to him. Despite the fact that my old boss said he would not bad mouth me and had lots of good stuff to say about me, he proceeded to run me down to a new prospective boss within the company. It's bad enough he had to fire me for no reason, now he's gonna damage my future! Talk about kicking a man when he's down!! It's like I continue to say, the king of rats is still just a rat. He'll get his come-up-ins. With the crappy job it looks like he is doing with my old store and the whole facility, someone is sure to call into question why he was hired in the first place.

I guess it is really my fault for placing my faith in people, and in a company. I had a gut feeling about my old boss and I should have listened to it. That really has been my problem over the past couple of years. I haven't listened to my instincts and I look for the reasoned approach to things. It is reason that had us leave Siskiyou county when we had it all there. Well, reason is not wisdom, and my instincts tell me now that the wise thing to do is return home and make a new life with people whom we love and respect.

All is very well again in the Kalayjian household. The doctor called and said he thought that my oldest was right as rain again and ready to come home. He said literally that staying in the facility would do her no more good. So, I brought her home today to a surprise party. Everyone was so happy with her return. As I write this she is settled in her own bed snoring away.

I am very pleased at her progress and her desire to get things back on track. I am however worried about sending her back to school. I just don't trust all the people, from the students to the faculty, that helped drive her into this situation. She wants to see her friends again that she cares about. I'm still trying to formulate a plan to accomodate that.

I've been in a real good mood lately. Ever since I came to the conclusion that my daughter is well, and we decided to move back to Siskiyou. I guess I feel like if I am in a place where I am comfortable, and I fit in, and I have family and true friends around me that care, then I can do anything. Maybe I'll work to start up the business again or even go back to school. I've even tossed around the idea of taking a part-time job and working as a reserve police officer. My Armenian friend is still on the department and he might be able to help me go to work there. Eventually, it might even turn into a full time position. Who knows!

Anyway, ideas are in the works. We just have to focus on the short term obstacles and take it one step at a time. I know it'll be hard, but it is do-able. And like before, once it is done and we are settled, it'll be like waking up from a dream again.