Well, it's Friday and no word yet from anyone. Another weekend of sitting around in uncertainty.

To make things worse, I can't seem to find anyone around here who even wants to play a game. The handful of people around here that I have any regard for won't return my calls. I suppose I could go to one of the local stores and hope to find someone for a game but that has backfired many times before. It's a long way to drive just to be disappointed. It's kinda funny because my training as a GW manager told me to never exclude someone wanting a game and to always have a game night scheduled. So much for a change in managment to improve the operation.

Oh well going there won't do any good...

Today I did alot of waxing philosophically. Like always I thought back to what I should have done. I've said it many times before, I should never have left Siskiyou County. We had it so good there in many ways. Now we are here and lost in a sea of obscurity. No friends, no family, no hope. The South is a big disappointment to me. Worse in many ways than the SUV driving soccer moms of California. Here it seems like everyone is lost in their own world. With little regard for anyone around them except for the people who walk in their own circles.

As I've written before, this attitude baffles me because I expected a land filled with courteous, hospitable, and heartfelt people. But, today I think I may have figured out how this attitude came to be. I hate to sound like I'm citing a stereotype but I think it has to do with the tension between blacks and whites and natives to outsiders. Every one of these groups were forced to live together, even integrate. In such a setting it is only understandable that people would be closed off to just about everyone around them. It just seems funny that in a place that has more Churches then gas stations there is less loving thy neighbor.

Back to Siskiyou County... I could have used my disability settlement to open a store or perhaps get some training in a local industry like the railroad. My wife was happy with her job and the kids were all comfortable with school and other pursuits. I had friends and was happy in the land that I considered home. It was a terrible thing I did in uprooting the family. GW was not worth it and this "great adventure" I set us out on was nothing more than a "great mistake". As I said before, every time we left Siskiyou County we were always worse off.

Now it comes down to looking to the future. How can we return to our home with no money. Two thousand miles to cover with 6 kids and a household. If I had a good paying job there like the one with Union Pacific it might be possible. I suppose we could pile everyone in the Jeep, tie our personal belongings to the roof, and make the passage. But, where would we be once we got there. The whole thing reminds me of a scene from "Grapes of Wrath". Might I add that that very story is the way my Moms family got to California in the first place. History repeats itself I guess.

So, I place my faith in God and hope he comes through. That unto itself is hard because God always extracts a heavy toll for his blessings. That toll being in the form of patience, perseverance and faith. Sadly, it is only faith that I have a supply of and that is strained by my lack of patience. But, like the lillies of the fields, our bills are paid, we have food, and we are relatively comfortable. We are provided for physically. We have the Church in Memphis so we are provided for Spiritually. The hard part is battling the mind that wants to despair and give up on hope.

God be with us through this dark time.

No word yet. The final filing date for the Amtrak position closed today. It's in God's hands now.

I've been a bit worried about the wife for the past few days. She's been real moody and a bit depressed. I know my being unemployed has her upset, though she won't say so. I think she feels like she should get a job to help out. But, I know she absolutly doesn't want to. I won't force her, and if she doesn't do it I won't say a word.

I throughly enjoy having her around with me all day. I just wish she'd quit talking about her internet business. She's real frustrated as to its lack of success, and continually thinks about it. She's always asking my input as to what I think about it. Frankly, I don't have an opinion and I wish she would move on. There's plenty of other things to talk about. I guess it's just a side effect of her being in a state of insecurity about our future. Also, I believe she wants to find something that makes us money at home so she doesn't have to go to work.

I'm a little embarassed to say that lately we've gotten in a routine of watching daytime television. We generally wake up at aournd 9am and watch "ER" on TNT. Then we go on to "Judging Amy" and finally end at Noon with "Law and Order" I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I'm hooked on these shows. Perhaps it just reflects the level I have dropped to since I became unemployed. On the bright side these shows have allowed me to get alot of projects done, since I generally work on my Dwarf army while watching them. Perhaps that is what is keeping me sane.

Still no word from anybody. UP updated their site yesterday adding me as a candidate for a position as a Train Service employee in Roseville, CA. Then later in the day they listed me as rejected for the position. Well, at least they're doing something!

I did find an exciting job with Amtrak that I am well qualified for. I wrote one of the best cover letters ever for the position, detailing all my qualifications and how they match what they are looking for. The job is as an assistant conductor out of Charlotte, North Carolina. It officially closes today.

Told my Dad about the position and he was honestly excited about the possibility. He actually retired from Amtrak after being a conductor for several years. In truth, he left Southern Pacific as a brakeman because he was tired of working on-call. I suspect that is why he was down on me going into Train Service.

I think I would really like the job with Amtrak. I've travelled with my Dad enough to know what the job entails. It would expose me to both customer service(which I do enjoy) and working as a train crewman. Hopefully, in the next couple of days I'll find out if it's possible.

In other news, today we paid a visit to the Marshall County Museum. I figured I needed to delve a bit more into the history of this place. Right off the bat I was disappointed because the museum was set up in a store front on the town square instead of it's usual home in a historical building that once served as a womens college. Then, after we paid the admission price of $2.00 a head the curator told us that only a fraction of the exhibit was on display because they didn't have enough space. GRRRRRR!!!! Overall, it wasn't bad. I just wanted to see more about the Civil War history of the area. Perhaps I'll pay a visit again when the renovations are done and they move back into their building.

Things were quiet and slow today. Since I'm still feeling sick I stayed in my room and painted all day today. Didn't even watch the superbowl. However, I almost got 5 slayers painted up.

Been trying hard not to lose hope and faith. It's an uphill battle. No word yet from any job I applied for, not that I expected one on the weekend. The hardest part is that every hour I can hear the train roll through town and I wonder, even doubt, if I'll ever be working in that field. Patience has never been one of my strongest virtues. Truth be told I have no hope or plan for anything else. Maybe the game store idea but that's a longshot at best. I considered school again, maybe a technical institute. But, I don't know.

Still feel like a ship drifting on the sea.