Well, I survived another birthday.
What more is there to say? I guess I could add that I tried real hard not to get melancholy again this year. Sadly, I did not succeed.
As a kid growing up my birthday was always a major disappointment. I rarely(if ever)got anything nice on that day. Instead, I mostly got a guilt trip laid on me from my mother, who was usually upset that my dad didn't get something nice for her birthday the week before. I ended up being the scape goat for my mothers frustration.
On top of that. Honestly, I didn't feel like I was really wanted as a child. I was made to feel like I was a mistake and that my mother and father were just putting up with me as opposed to raising me. I imagine that when my mother found out that she as pregnant with me she cried because of having to bear the burden of another child so late in her life. The pain in these thoughts are a bit too much for me to contemplate at the moment.
I feel bad mostly for my family here. They try hard to please me on my birthday. This year they went out and got me a Chinese food dinner and my youngest daughter baked me a very nice cake. I think that when they see me get sad by their efforts they believe that they have somehow disappointed me. That can't be farther from the truth, the fact is really that I don't feel worthy of their affection.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
The right track
On the last minute last Friday everything came together, much to my relief.
So, I showed up at the college and signed up for a math tutor to help me to pass the math placement test for intermediate algebra. I was told to speak to someone in the computer center to get started. However, when I arrived the lady responsible for the program left early for the day.
Refusing to give up so easily, I started asking around and I ended up finding the person that was filling in for lil-miss-leave-work-early. However, instead of getting set up with a living, breathing tutor, I got paired with a computer and a tutoring program.
So, an hour later I had exhausted the math tutoring program and was left with several questions that I needed answering. Namely, what the square root of negative one is(I might note that I never got an answer to this). So, being eager to make a good showing I set out for the math lab to fill in the gaps. However, upon arrival, there was not a single soul in the math lab.
Not letting despair get to me, and with time running out on when I can take the placement test, I made my way to the counseling center. Once again, I was faced with a roadblock. Despite the fact that he told me the day before that he would be there, the man who administers the placement test had left early for the day(grrr). So, one of the aides took me in to set me up on the computer that does the test. However, she apparently had the wrong password. So, for a long while she wasn't able to even get me into the software. After a bit of cussing on her part and a few phone calls, she was able to get me into the software and I was off and running.
After 45 mind numbing, nail biting minutes I finished the test. Out of the 20 or so questions asked I can honestly say I guessed on two of them. One, just made no sense at all and I think was put in there to throw me off. However, in the end I scored a 48 on the test. Thats not a percentage, I needed a 41 to qualify for the math class I needed. So, I joyfully took my test results to registration to sign up for the last math class that was open to enrollment.
Do I think this is any of my own doing? Of course, but with blessing and love from God in heaven. So, my thanks goes to him.
So, I showed up at the college and signed up for a math tutor to help me to pass the math placement test for intermediate algebra. I was told to speak to someone in the computer center to get started. However, when I arrived the lady responsible for the program left early for the day.
Refusing to give up so easily, I started asking around and I ended up finding the person that was filling in for lil-miss-leave-work-early. However, instead of getting set up with a living, breathing tutor, I got paired with a computer and a tutoring program.
So, an hour later I had exhausted the math tutoring program and was left with several questions that I needed answering. Namely, what the square root of negative one is(I might note that I never got an answer to this). So, being eager to make a good showing I set out for the math lab to fill in the gaps. However, upon arrival, there was not a single soul in the math lab.
Not letting despair get to me, and with time running out on when I can take the placement test, I made my way to the counseling center. Once again, I was faced with a roadblock. Despite the fact that he told me the day before that he would be there, the man who administers the placement test had left early for the day(grrr). So, one of the aides took me in to set me up on the computer that does the test. However, she apparently had the wrong password. So, for a long while she wasn't able to even get me into the software. After a bit of cussing on her part and a few phone calls, she was able to get me into the software and I was off and running.
After 45 mind numbing, nail biting minutes I finished the test. Out of the 20 or so questions asked I can honestly say I guessed on two of them. One, just made no sense at all and I think was put in there to throw me off. However, in the end I scored a 48 on the test. Thats not a percentage, I needed a 41 to qualify for the math class I needed. So, I joyfully took my test results to registration to sign up for the last math class that was open to enrollment.
Do I think this is any of my own doing? Of course, but with blessing and love from God in heaven. So, my thanks goes to him.
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