Well, this is the last journal entry of 2003. I guess I could reflect a little on the past 364 days of this miserable year.

I guess It's safe to say that this was a time of many mistakes and foolish ventures. Much was lost and little was gained. All in all if I could talk to myself a year ago I'd say don't take the job with GW and don't leave Siskiyou County. But, I can't, and I'm stuck. I know it's in the divine plan for me to have came here. But, I fail to see why. It is beyond my wisdom. The same thing can be said for Mordor. Perhaps just like with Mordor I can now say that I have a much greater appreciation of "home".

On a brighter note I received a bit of justice from the Washington State Unemployment office this week. They released the results of the review of my recent termination from Games Workshop. It seems that the company contested my benefits because they say I was fired for misconduct. Well, the review board determined that while a company can terminate employment for any reason, in my case they found no evidence of misconduct. It's not really surprising because I didn't do anything wrong to lose my job. However, it's nice to be vindicated.

Im glad that this was all resolved before the first of the year. I don't want to carry any baggage beyond midnight tonight. That includes hard feelings or grudges. I just want to get on with my life and do my job of making a better world for these children.

I finally got to see "Gone with the Wind" on TV today. Much to my astonishment I really enjoyed it. Not because it was an epic centered around the Civil War but because the characters just brought the whole thing to life. I now know why everyone hates Scarlett O'Hara so much! I found her very frustrating. A great example of how stubborness will destroy you. Though in other ways I do sympathize with her. I know first hand how poverty will make you a hard person. It's just too bad we can't all be more like Melody.

Lately, I've been taking the blog thing to another level. I started reading other peoples blogs. I have a whole list bookmarked. Some of them are political, some are sexy, others are just boring. Overall I enjoy them because I enjoy observing other people and in a blog they reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings. I wish more people I knew would write a weblog. It is an excellent way to communicate to the world, and more importantly yourself. Just the other day after changing my journal format I went back and reread all my old entries from the past two years. It is interesting to read and reflect on what I struggled with a year ago.

Speaking of struggles... my whole ordeal looking for a job has had alot of ups and downs lately. Still no word from any of the companies I've applied for. But, I constantly look for hope in little things I come across. Yesterday I talked with my Armenian brother and he said many things to give me hope. Later, I talked with my Dad and he said things to frustrate me. Not that any of these are concrete things. I won't really have cause to rejoice until someone calls me. But, it's the subtle guile of the enemy that seeks to make me lose faith.

Nothing like putting your weblog in a new format and republishing the entire site. It's kinda like changing your underwear. :-)

I've been watching the kids alot today and I realized for sure something that I have always suspected; girls toys are boring. My son recieved several interesting toys for Christmas like Hulk Hands and transformers. Likewise, the girls received several gifts that they requested. However, they always seem to want to play with my sons stuff. It's actually great for him just because he has others to play with doing what he wants. But, I feel sorry for the girls just because they are stuck in their gender stereotypes.

Maybe next year I'll buy them all boy toys. Remote control cars, boxing gloves, play swords, etc...

Off we go tonight for Nativity services at our Church. Everyone is in a pretty good mood except for my wife. She's kinda running ragged and letting herself get upset over every little thing. I know she worries about everything and feels like she has to do everything around here. In alot of ways she is a remarkable woman, to take on the blessing of 6 kids. I am lucky to have her.

The Christmas spirit is moving through our household today. Everyone is in a good mood and we are spending the day relaxing and listening to christmas music. Thankfully. we finished our shopping. Tommorrow we head to Church for the nativity celebration. Unfortunatley, no snow but we really didn't expect it this year.

Despite all we have gone through and still face, I am in a remarkably good mood. I guess it just comes from not having to worry about things that are out of my control. Of course, that peace only comes to someone who has faith in God and knows that the future is bright.

I said that I had a new perspective on things after seeing Return of the King. I am ready to talk about that now; all my life I have lived in a state of distrust in others. In fact, I really hated anyone that was no in my own circle of trusted people. I especially hated anyone with money. Now I see that this is wrong. I should give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and not be judgemental. I know I hate to be judged. That is I think what I was brought here to learn and to atone for.

How this relates to ROTK I can't really tell you... It was just an epiphany of sorts. I think what that movie did show me is that all of us, whether we know it or not, yearn for unconditional love. We want a ruler/king that honestly cares for us. And we want friends that will stand by us through all tribulations whether we deserve it or not.

I guess ultimately, I need to hate the world as I do, but love the people in it even if they don't deserve it.

Saw a great program on public television tonight. It detailed excursion railroads throughout the United States. Of course, one of the ones they featured was the Mount Shasta scenic train. It made me lonesome for home to see the mountain again.

Lately, I've been wondering what was going through my mind last year when we were still in Siskiyou County. I looked at all the things I wanted to do when we moved back there and all the things I still want to do. Like go to the caves or visit all the places around there that I loved. We didn't even go sledding in the winter! I just sat around lamenting about being injured and badmouthing Mordor.

I know that if we somehow make it back I'll not do that again. I want to take the girls camping in the deep woods, I want to raft down the Sacramento River, I want to be alive again and enjoy the things I once loved. I want to show these joys to my kids.

So much time and energy is wasted on chasing the better life. Games Workshop was a monumental mistake. I should have stayed in Mount Shasta and made a life for us there. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20.

Perhaps I said it once before... every time we left Siskiyou County we met with disaster. It's only when we lived there that we had a comfortable and happy life.

There comes a time in ones life that we experience something that puts us in a state of awe. Something that makes everything pale in comparison. That leaves even the most inspirational of things tasteless. Return of the King has done just that to me this day.

While sitting in the lobby of the movie theatre afterwards I found an interesting pamphlet on the floor. It was a Protestant publication that compared the Lord of the Rings novels to the struggle of Christians. It left me with a different prespective on things. Prehaps I'll write about it in the future.

God's Mercy and compassion was shown to us in a major way today. An anonymous benefactor gave us enough money to give the kids one of the best Christmases EVER. When we received the card and saw the check my wife and I were absolutely speechless. We sat in the post office parking lot for several minutes with tears in our eyes. Often times the gifts of the Lord are subtle. However, this one just left us in awe. I've thought all day about how to write about this in this journal and I am still at a loss for words. This morning we were facing a bleak and sad holiday. Now it is much different. Thanks be to God.

Needless to say our first gift of the season will be a family trip tommorrow morning to see "The Return of the King". I am so excited about getting to see it. It'll be hard to get to sleep tonight.

My Wife and I are always thinking about new business ideas. We'll today I think we came up with the best so far. When we lived back in Mordor I was a big fan of the microbreweries. The unique beers and the awesome food is something that is absolutely missing in Siskiyou County. With the ski park and the eco-tourism in that area, I'm sure it would be a big success if we found the right location. Someplace central and easy for everyone to get to. We could offer all sorts of great food like hot wings, which are virtually non-existant in that area. Also, we could offer ethnic Armenian food like Kebabs. Anyway, I know it would be an expensive and delicate endeavor so I'd have to find a business partner that I could absolutely trust like my Armenian friend.

Well, one thing at a time I guess. It's good to have future ambitions but I'll focus on the task at hand and that is finding a job. With the tremendous blessing we had today I'm sure that God will see to it that my next job will be a good one.

Oh, by the way... Union Pacific held over for continued review an application I put in for a job in Arkansas. The way I see it, that's a good sign. They are at least considering it!

Man, I've been painting like a storm this past week. Around sending off resumes and job searching I've been picking up old painting jobs that I left behind. Who knows, before this is all over I might actually be caught up on my projects(not bloody likely!).

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend in Washington. I knew him while I was working for GW. He's the Cell Manager up there now. He told me that the manager they hired to run my old store quit and they are looking for a replacement. He then off handedly made the remark that it's too bad that I couldn't come back there and go to work. Oh, the painful irony of it all! While I do miss my job and GW... I have mixed feelings about going back to it. I did enjoy my experience in my old store and Seattle wasn't such a bad place. I do(to my surprise) miss everyone there. But to go back and make the same crappy wage, living in a place that I ultimately don't want to be, with no hope of ever buying a house or even saving for retirement, I just don't know that it's worth it.

I know that God's destiny for me holds something great, and it's due to happen soon. So many times I've been tempted by something during difficult times and I caved in because it seemed like the best, or the most reasonable thing to do at the time. But, deep down inside it wasn't right for one reason or another. This time I'll not be found wanting. I will not lose faith. I have 5 months of unemployment coming to me that will pay the bills here. That's 5 months of looking for the right job that pays well and will allow me to live where I want. I plan to take advantage of that and be choosy. If I come to the end of it and the next door is not opened, then I will reevaluate my options.

A week to go before Return of the King is released. Unfortunately, I'm flat broke. Oh the irony of it all!! Perhaps a miracle will happen and I'll get my first unemployment check.

Speaking of miracles... My mother-in-law did something this past week that will endear her in my heart for all time. She shelled out over $2000 dollars to get us caught up on our car payments. What a relief!! I was so worried that the repo man was a comin' I get enough money from unemployment to pay our rent and car payment but not enough to get us caught up. Now we'll be able to keep my beloved Jeep after our bankruptcy is discharged.

Another blessing came the other day from an unlikely source. Out of the blue Tess sent us $200. This reached us the day before they were going to turn our power off.

It is true that you really find out who loves you when times are hard. I can see that we are blessed to survive this ordeal, and in the end we will be the better for it.

Now if someone would just send me $20 to go see Return of the King. {:-b Oh that was bad!!!

I had a nice diversion today. I took the boy and we went to see "The Last Samurai". I found it to be a deeply moving and inspirational movie. Yet another tale of the old world fighting the new. Something that anyone who knows me, is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.

While I am moved by movies such as these and long for a simpler and innocent time, I know that redemption for us as a people is lost. As a whole we admire the business ethic and view it as the ultimate truth. Our heroes are the Bill Gates or Donald Trumps of the world, people who have made a vast fortune out of modest beginnings.

However, these are not the people whom I respect. In reality I look at them as thieves and assassins. The king rats who have clawed and murdered their way to the top. Honorless men who are rewarded for their prowess. Perhaps this is why I am a pauper. I refuse to stoop to their level.

I guess this reflects no more true than in my recent experience with GW. I excelled as a manager because I served those who served me. I looked to their success and honored them whenever they honored me. However, my boss did not honor me. He distrusted me and did not look to my success. In fact, it is clear to me that he looked to my demise from the beginning. Perhaps he was threatened by me. Regardless, I did not serve a worthy master. It is best that I am gone. At least I can leave with a clear conscience knowing that I was honorable even to the end.

So, by this entry I put it all behind me. No more will I write about it. The rats do not deserve my attention.

I'm fighting hard not to fall into despair. Still no word on any of the jobs I put in for. Not that they could call me anyhow. My cell phone is on the fritz again. We just paid for a months of service and something else goes wrong. Man, when is it gonna get better? I know it could be alot worse but I just want a glimmer of hope again.

The past few days I've been feeling the urge to take off for California on my own. I'm just wasting my time here and greatly lessening my chances of finding a job back home. I feel useless, like I'm waiting for something that may never happen. Like a prisoner on death row waiting for his pardon.

To top things off we can't run the heater so it's very cold here. A damp kind of cold like in Mordor that seems to seep into my very bones. In fact, my shoulder has been aching again.

I continue to look to God that he might deliver us from this fate that Games Workshop has left us to.

Today I'm feeling good about myself. I have several leads into jobs and I think our future may be looking good. I guess it's just a matter of having faith and being positive. Yesterday it kinda hit me that I am glad about losing my job with GW. Even though we will have it hard for a while. In the end I know we will come out the better for it.

Readers of this journal know that money has been real tight for us since I got hired for GW. I think if I wouldn't have been let go I would have just hung on while we slowly starve. Now, I'll be able to move on and get a good job doing something worthwhile. Besides, if I'm working making great money I can afford to by the stuff from GW that I couldn't afford with their discount. That's kinda funny and sad at the same time.

I know it may get harder before it gets easier. But, I am armed with faith in Christ and he will see me through. It takes times like these to show us our faith and to reveal to us who our friends truely are.

Had a splendid Thanksgiving feast today. My wife made a pile of food and we did the usual gorge and nap routine. Before dinner we all took time to express the things that we are grateful for. Chief among them I am thankful that God gave me beautiful and intelligent children who have the understanding to know what they are grateful for.

Job search still continues. Found several possibilities in the railroad industry throughout the nation. I applied for jobs in Arkansas, California and here in Mississippi. Of course, I stayed honest in every application and noted that I was discharged from GW. I hope my old boss stays true to his word and gives me a good reference. He owes me that at least.

Another beam of hope showed forth from the heavens today. My mother-in-law offered to get us caught up on our car payment so we can avoid repossession. Holy Pete! I would be crushed if we lost our Jeep. I hope she comes through. Frankly, if we do lose it I see my chances of getting a job soon being slim to none. Every place I apply wants me to have reliable transportation.

Again, the uncertainty of our future lies in Gods hands.

Well, I think I can see a glimmer of hope. I've been searching online for railroad jobs and I have found several both in this area, and back in California. All of them are entry-level positions. I also spoke to my Dad today. He indicated that he knows the supervisor for the position I am seeking back home. Wow! If he can pull a few strings for me and get me in I'll take back everything bad I said about him.

Ugh it's so cold. It frosted outside last night and we couldn't turn our heater on. Needless to say the house is cold. What I wouldn't give for some California summer weather right now. Floating carelessly in Lake Siskiyou watching the clouds float by.

Don't get me wrong. I kinda like it here. It's not like in Mordor where it's miserable year round. It's just my problem with it is I love outdoor activity and there's not much to be had here. No swimming, places to hike, or even camp within miles. Sometimes solitude in the wilderness is what I need to get my head straight. I don't think that's possible here.

My wife spoke to her mom last night. Broke the bad news to her. She was naturally upset because she had plans to move here next month. I know my sweetie was looking forward to that. Anyway, I guess now she's staying in Florida which greatly limits our plans. I had thought about going to California on my own to get a job and bring the family out. Now, I don't know what we're gonna do.

Speaking of my wife, she does amaze me sometimes. I certainly do not deserve her. She is very understanding and defends me through this whole thing. She doesn't deserve a life like this. She needs someplace warm and stable. Yet, I guess I'm just not man enough to give her these things. I feel like the whole world in it's greed and selfishness stands against us.

Well, the vacation is over with and I started my job search today. I'm going into this sluggishly because I just don't want to look for another job. I want to do my old job that I was good at.

Oh well, it's probably for the best anyway. God willing I'll find something that will pay really well and we can live a comfortable life.

I got lucky applying for unemployment. Apparently, because I worked so long in Washington State I'll be able to get benefits from them. They pay almost twice what Tennessee would. Unfortunately, we won't see any money untill right before Christmas at the soonest. And then it'll have to go to keeping the lights on. Frankly, we're just not gonna have presents or even a tree this year.

Today I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. I guess its finally hitting me that I lost my job. I don't want to do anything but listen to music and sulk. We're so far away from everything and everyone. I thought I was lonely and depressed before.

I applied for a position with the railroad in Siskiyou Co. It's a tough job that pays alot. If I get it I'll be following in my Father's footsteps. He worked that same job out of that same station for many years. In fact, I think he was about my age when he got the job. If I do get hired there I will at least have more in common with my Dad and have alot more to talk about with him.

I feel uterly usless... I have all these people depending on me for there very existence and I can't provide for them. I am bound to this fate and to their future. Yet I feel like I am not strong enough to live up to this task. It makes me hate the world even more and resent the heartless people who would fire someone a month before Christmas and at the very doorstep of winter. They brought me to this place far from my home, family and friends. Now they expect me to just go away because they think they don't need me anymore. Where is there justice or compassion. They hide their evil deeds behind the notion that it's "just business".

I sent an email to the company today demanding that they relocate us back to Siskiyou county. We'll see what they say on Monday

Well, I'm sad to report that the worst has happened at my beloved job with Games Workshop. My boss tried to get me to sign a letter today saying I was resigning my position with the company. Naturally, since I need to get unemployment I could and did not sign the letter. Also, it was against my morals to sign the letter simply because I firmly believe that I did nothing wrong. In fact, I stayed true and faithful to the company right up to the very end. Even when I had a strong inkling that they were going to let me go. What it comes down to is that I took the high road and my bosses took the low road. I can at least leave with a clean conscience.

Where we go from here I simply do not know. I have no plans or schemes for the future. My whole direction was centered on Games Workshop. So, I need to spend the next few days soul searching and praying. I think it's safe to say that our future is entirely in Gods hands.

Speaking of that, today we attended Church for the first time in a long time. We went to an Antiochian Orthodox Church in Memphis. The Priest heard our confessions and we attended Liturgy to celebrate the presentation of the Theotokos before the Temple. It was so wonderful to relieve myself of all my guilt and to take communion again. It had been too long. Way too long. Spiritually, I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's funny how I lost something today that I thought was an important aspect of my life, and then I regained something that is clearly the most important thing in my life.

I now feel like we are headed for a bright future in whatever we are led to do. Remember the lillies of the fields.

All is not well at work. Tensions are high again and tempers are flaring. It's like working in an ice house with no coat on. I don't really know what to do but remain faithful to my job and the task that I was trained for. I was told once that as long as you adhear to honesty, courage and humility you'll never lose your job at Games Workshop. One guy has already been fired, lets see if that holds true.

Yesterday the guys and I at work did a good deed. We've had a guy coming into the store that has been playing Necrons. Well, he's been losing alot and was getting a bit frustrated. I was afraid we'd lose him as a gamer and as a customer. So, we looked at his army and decided that he needed more firepower. I made a deal with him that if he bought and played the new Return of the King game that we'd paint up a squad for him to bolster his army. We got the squad done yesterday and man does it look HOT!!! It will be the centerpiece of his army. It'll be interesting to see if he wins more games now.

I got to speak to my Armenian brother today. With the maelstrom of things over the past few days it's really good to hear a familiar voice. I miss home so much. There's a website I go to periodically that lets me see the railyard in Dunsmuir. I also read the newspaper online so that I can keep up with events there. Perhaps I'm just prolonging my agony by keeping up on things there.

Anyway, back to my Armenian brother... He is doing pretty good. His wife landed a great job working with animals, which is something she loves to do. They just moved into a house they bought in town. I'm really kind of envious. Anyone who has read my blog knows how much I wanted to buy a house and settle down. Especially in Siskiyou County. I am very happy for them though. It's good for me I think to have that connection with my hometown.

Well, we took a major step in our lives today. One which hopefully will set us on the path to a better future. We retained a lawyer and filed for bankruptcy. She was really nice and professional but I felt very dirty laying out all our bills for the filing. I can't believe how many we had. It sure will be good to get rid of all that nasty stuff and start over. We really want to buy a house someday but we had no chance with all the money we would have had to shell out to make things right again. I just don't make enough at work to do that.

Speaking of our income to debt ratio. We figured it out and we are not breaking even here. It's only when we put off a bill can we buy anything we need. Of course my wife could get a job but waitresses make well below minimum wage here and the tips are said to be less than lucrative. Other jobs are few and far between. I guess the unemployment rate around here is immense. I dunno what to do besides plan to not eating. I'm not exaggerating in a least bit.

Lastly, in a related point... I may not be able to keep writing in this blog for a while. We're getting our internet access cut off tommorrow. Another bill we had to skimp on. Oh well, times will be better God willing.

Okay, here we go with a major addition to this blog...

I have come to an opinion on my view of the South and Southrons. I used to think that their slow, provential ways were a product of courtesy and manners. Now I realize that is not the case. In careful examination and ponderance I believe that these traits are a product of arrogance and pridefulness. I had always seen the stereotype of the "southern belle" and believed that it was derived from a lack of understanding in the culture. But, it seems that most Southrons share a trait with this stereotype, and that is a strong vein of judgementalism.

Anyone who has ever known me knows that judgementalism is a major pet peeve for me. I don't do it to others and I experience great personal rage when others do it to me. Yet, it seems to be ingrained in the psyche of the people here. Much to my grief.

I look back to my life as a kid living in Oregon. In a town called Myrtle Creek I was in paradise. There were no ugly developments to blight the land with acres of pastel cookiecutter houses and vinyl siding. Everything was built into old brick buildings. That was my hometown. Now everywhere I go I see but faint shadows of that place. Enough to painfully remind me of a world that is lost.

Living in California with their endless lines of tract housing and stripmalls on every corner, I thought that the rest of the world as more like Myrtle Creek. I hoped that by coming to the South I would find that hometown again and recapture the innocence that is lost to the world. Sadly, that is not the case. This place is growing like mad with an ever encroaching sea of ugly hovels and every manner of commercial excess that one could imagine. I guess I quietly weep inside and hate the people that destroy such places for their own profit/amusement.

The other day someone asked me why I always wear black. This is why! I set myself apart from the world. If you don't understand then you never will. But know that in the Tolkien sense of the world I believe that the Orcs won the war and now rule. The dream of Saruman is being brought to reality. Yet there are no riders of Rohan nor armies of Ents to stop it. Shadow has fallen... and we are all doomed.

Still homesick.... really homesick! This morning I laid on my bed and daydreamed about being in Siskiyou county again. I yearn to smell the mountain air again. And I sorely miss all my friends. You'd think that with all the moving I did in my life I'd be used to adapting to new places. I guess my soul yearns to call a place home again. 8 years in Mordor, then 2 years back on my mountain, now I'm here. If I could only find a happy medium with a place i can be happy in and make a good living like my family needs and deserves.

It's downright cold today. I guess a front moved down from Canada bringing winter temps. Funny cause all the locals have been bundling up and complaining when I prop the front door open at work. Ha! I had to dig out of 4 ft of snow last year. Now that's cold!!

As Halloween approaches I'm getting more homesick. Mt Shasta is so nice in the autumn. Last year at this time we were gearing up for the haunted house. Which our room took first place! Anyway, I got so lonesome for home I called my Armenian friend. He told me that this year they are not doing the haunted house(I guess we broke the mould). Boo hoo! I kinda hoped they'd carry on the tradition without me. I sure do miss them.

Work is ho hum. The personality conflicts are about worked out but we are as far from our target as we can be with being closed. Not enough is being done to promote the hobby. It's very frusterating for me because I am responsible for hitting my targets, and frankly we need the money from bonuses to get by. Oh well, I'll continue to hang on and have faith that we will succeed. I just hope my bosses will do the same thing.

Well, things are really starting to settle down again at work. I buried the hatchet with Grimma(I guess I should stop calling him that) and I have been at ease ever since. I'm a little worried about my boss though, he is under alot of stress with all the problems surrounding this facility. He wants to make everything right while the big boss is on vacation. But, I'm afraid it is too much for one man to handle. I will strive to help him in any way I can.

This past weekend I helped our landlord bury his dog. We were sitting here at the house when we heard a thump and looked outside to see her in the road. It was very sad, she was a good dog. About once a week she would come over to the house and bark until we came out to play with her. Once I watched her catch a field mouse and eat it in our yard. Then she tried to come over and slobber all over my hand. The kids loved playing with her. She will be sorely missed.

My old employee Bender is set to come here from Seattle. He is a great guy and will bring alot of game knowledge to the staff, which is something we are lacking. He also has experience running games and tournaments which is a great benefit with the bunker. Frankly, I was concerned that he would back out because of family pressure or whatever. But, when I talked to him on the phone the other day he was both resolute and excited about the change. I think change is just what he needs in his life.

Oh I am so frusterated with my job. Grimma is at it again. I had a long discussion with James about how to deal with him but it seemed to have done no good. I am convinced that James thinks the problem is with me. But, when this bastard does things like puts in inappropriate music in the CD player at work, and then he hides the CDs that I have put in there because hes tired of hearing it. That's when I get angry. He also has been taking liberties with my staff, asking them to do things that are not what they are supposed to be doing. Basically, he is interfering in my job and involving himself where he doesn't belong. I have overlooked alot of transgressions by Grimma in an effort to get along. I have shined on alot of insults from him. But, it's going too far. I am nearly to the point of explosion because James won't do anything about it.

Basically, I've been praying alot asking for guidance and patience. I'm hoping that once his work area is available to him then he will be out of my hair. Frankly, I doubt it because he is an anal retentive prick. But, I have to hold on to faith that he will and all will be better.

On the positive side, things have been worked out with the HR department regarding my pay deductions. Basically, I got the big boss involved and he had the company absorb the cost of my move. I will have a small amount taken out of my pay to cover a loan the company made to me. Very nice!! In addition, they are paying for the rest of my stuff to be moved here from California. That means alot of my wifes clothes and our kitchen table will be here soon. Yipee!! Games Workshop is such a great company. Too bad some of the people they hire are crap.

Well, I heard some very exciting nws today. My old buddy Bender from Seattle wants to come to Memphis and go to work for me. He is a great guy whom I miss an awful lot. He's about the only one who gives me a real challenge playing 40K just because he knows ALL the rules. He would be a tremendous asset in the store just because we need someone that can run excelent games and keep up with the know-it-alls that come in. If everything works out I plan to bring him on at the end of this month and make him my XO shortly thereafter. I think this is the answer to my prayers to bring life back into my job. And frankly, It'd be good to have a friend here that I can trust.

In other news, I had a talk today with the HR person for Games Workshop about our financial troubles. The company has been taking money out of my pay to cover the expense of moving here. Well, it seems that I can have the amount taken reduced by a significant amount. Right now it's over $400 a month. That will help our pathetic financial situation alot.

It turned real cold here today. A sure sign that Autumn is on the horizon. I'm in the position again this year that I'm not ready for the cold weather yet. I still want the hot and sticky days. Oh well, all good things come to an end I guess. There'll be another summer next year.

My wife an I made the decision to look into bankruptcy. Our bills are just piling up higher and we simply cannot pay everything off and continue to pay our current bills and buy food. We want to buy a house sometime in the near future but our credit is a mess. It seems like no matter how much money I make we can never balance the budget.

Our new cat is a joy. He's a big tabby cat but he acts like a big lovable stuffed animal. He tolerates the kids carrying him around everywhere and he always greets me both in the morning before I go to work and at night when I get home. The best part is I've seen no sign of that damned mouse. It is true what I said before... a cat around the house makes this place feel more like a home. Now if we could just get some furniture.

Ugh! It's on again off again at work. I'm frustrated again at my co-workers. My sympathy lies with my boss because I think he has painted himself in a corner with a potential mistake he made. It's as obvious to me as a sore on the roof of your mouth. He hired a friend to be the bunker steward. The person he selected is anal retentive and a horribly blatant brown noser. This person follows my boss around like a lost puppy and can't seem to do a project on his own without being watched. I have a real fear of how the bunker is going to have a nice assortment of tables built in time with this kind of goings-on. Then, to top it off this person plays office politics. I've caught him several times interloping in the affairs of my store and my staff. Where the problem lies is in that because this pee-wit is my bosses friend I worry that my boss tolerates way too much from him and my actually even give ear to the petty politics he seems to thrive on.

It is disturbing to me because the first thing I was taught about managing people is to be friendly not friends with your staff. I've had to sacrifice friendships in the past because I was the boss. Now I have to deal with it from my boss and a co-worker? I want to get along, I want to be a team player, I want this place to succeed!! But, how can a trust someone who undermines me?

The thing is that I know my boss is a good guy. I know he can handle this job and that he is smart enough to balance everything. I'm just deathly afraid that his judgement is clouded by his friendship with this wyrmtongue. The sad part really is that I don't feel comfortable talking with my boss about this again. Yes, I complained once about him. But, a second time just feels like I'd come across as petty. I want to be known as a team player.

So, I think my only solution is to remain faithful and to tolerate "Grimma" as I will now call him. A fairly wise person once said that everything will come out in the end and that the "hobby" will protect itself as long as you are faithful. Which reminds me of another principle of management... Faith not Heresy.

I'm enjoying a much needed day off today. We didn't do much. We took a short trip to Holly Springs where we took care of some business. During the trip I the cold that has been after me for several days decided to make its debut. I felt like crap and we had to go to Walmart to get some medicine. After getting home I slept most of the day. Hence, thats why I'm up so late.

Anyway, theres not much to write about this week. Work is great. We're supposed to be getting a floor for the bunker gaming area next week. Once that place is open we'll have more customers than we know what to do with.

I've been reflecting lately on all the places we've lived and about all the trouble we've had because of the size of our family. So far I must say this place is where we have had the least amount of flak from people around us. Its like large families are a norm here. Its kind of nice. Anyway, all the places and our experiences with them can be summed up in a line from a Willie Nelson Song:

"All the towns and people seem to fade into a bad dream"

Oh, I decided that I am still mourning the loss of Johnny Cash. I now understand the fanatical fans of Elvis who haunt his grave to this very day. I guess people need an icon or a role model that they can look up to and believe represents them. I may take a trip sometime soon to Johnny Cash's grave to pay homage.

Well, the reckoning that I needed so much came today. James is a great guy and he set everything straight. Not many bosses would tolerate my anger towards everything that happened. But, I have to hand it to him. He is a great guy. I forsee a long and fruitful working relationship. Games Workshop is the best place to work.

We are a few days away from getting two cats. We adopted a pair from the Humane Society. They are good kitties ones an orange tabby and the other is a black cat. They will make good additions to the household and will make this place feel like a home. Plus, if I'm really lucky one of them will get that mouse that's been haunting the kitchen at night.

Today I had the weirdest thing happen to me at work. This gorgeous woman came in and wanted to know about our product. It was odd really because she was very nicely dressed and dolled up. Well, I soon found out she was a salesman so I sent her next door to the factory. But, then she came back and asked me if I'd give her a personal tour of the store. Later, during the conversation she made it real clear to me that she was not married. Overall, she just hung around the store for a long time and made me real nervous. It was almost like she was a... gamer groupie or something. She finally left but said she'd be back in a couple days for an intro-game. Hope the wife doesn't find out because she'll be standing guard at my store with a sword.

I am soooo mad!!! Today is the golden day that I've been looking for, James has arrived, the team is together. Then the ass has to go and mar things by pulling a bullshit, juvenile faux pas. Basically, I've been working my butt off taking care of this place and keeping things together. I've been missing days off and working long hours. Then, he shows up and doesn't even give me the common courtesy of an atta boy. He has no idea at all how hard we have worked to try to bring sales up to meet a target that was invented to reflect sales from a store with an open gaming area. Of which we do not have yet for unsaid reasons. Then, to add insult to injury he invites the manager of trade sales out to dinner and leaves me at the store to "wrap" things up.

He made a comment that he plans to work me hard now. That the easy time is over. That ass has no clue of the hard times he has comin. We have soooo many unresolved issues that he's not gonna know what to do. He's had the easy life in Florida. Now, the REAL work begins for him in Memphis.

I feared one thing about James that may be a reality. He is a bit arrogant and self centered. I hope that when it comes down to it he doesn't just use me and toss me away. Time will tell I guess. I'll just remain faithful and do a good job and let fate take it's course. Of course though, I will hold a grudge and I will have justice. The Turks may have taken everything from us. But, they still do not have our pride.

Lately I've been a bit melancoly and reflective. I found out yesterday that two of my favorite entertainers died on the same day. John Ritter died from an undiscovered heart problem. I grew up in the late 70's and early 80's watching Three's Company. I secretly idolized Jack Tripper and wanted to be like him when I grew up. In fact, I must say that much of my twisted humor comes from that show and from his style of comedy.

Then, to top it off Johnny Cash dies. That's the one that hit me the hardest because I grew up listening to his old songs and ballads. Most of the reason I constantly wear black is because of his image as the "Man in Black" rubbing off on me. For the past couple days I've been listening to his music and remembering my childhood. Alot of his songs remind me of my Mother(hence being melancoly). I guess if there was any entertainer I would have like to meet it would be Johnny Cash. Oh well, in the sweet by and by I guess.

On to an entirely different subject, I got my first(and probably last) tattoo this week. I couldn't believe I went through with it. Yes, it hurt ALOT! I was clenched up in pain and shaking a bit for the whole 90 mins it took to complete. I am glad I did it because the image looks great on my shoulder and the inscription is perfect. I got a roaring lion in a "tribal" motif and the inscription... well, you'll have to ask me in person to see it and read it for yourself :-)

Lastly, my job has been a bit dreary lately. Sales are slow and we are faced with a multitude of problems that can't seem to be fixed. For instance, our phone won't receive calls. I've asked the repair people to do something and they keep putting me off. Then, to top it off we had all the faxes for central sales mysteriousy routed to our store phone. So every 5 mins it would ring with a fax. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'm getting mad just thinking about it. There's gonna be hell to pay for someone on Monday.

I sure will be glad when James gets here and we get this show on the road.

Boy, was I wrong about the visit by the company VPs. They were a very nice bunch of fellas and they complemented greatly on the appearance of my store. I've been quietly celebrating for the past few days.

Once again this company surprises me with it's family like atmosphere. One thing I always expected as a cop was having the feeling like you are part of a large family where everyone watches out for you. Bot, was that not the case about the two departments I worked for. But, it is the case for Games Workshop. I'm just astounded everyday by how awesome my job really is. I truly am blessed.

Lately, it's been a bit cool and not so humid. Kinda reminds me of home. On Friday I smelled the sweet north wind for the first time here. Frankly, it makes me a little homesick. I fear it wil take a little while to get me to the point where this is home. I think once I'm really established here with a house of our own and such, I'll never want to go back.

My Armenian friend says he's gonna try to make it out here from California sometime in October. That'll be perfect because I can take some vacation time then. I'd like to take him down to New Orleans. Of course, my wife might have something to say about that(she loves N'awlins).

Well, James left today headed back to Florida. I must say I am grieviously sad to see him go. In case you don't know James is my boss here at the farm. Technically, he is the marketing director for this facility and the South.

Early on in this adventure I talked extensively with him about plans to make this place rock. I got so excited and was in awe of what we are about to do. However, he still lived in Florida and needed to sell his house to move up here. Well, he finally sold his house, but it will be a few weeks still before he moves here. Until then this place remains on hold, pulling in what business that word of mouth can bring.

I am saddened to see him leave because I kinda feel like this place is a bit too big for one person(me) to handle. I always work best in a pack and right now I'm a bit of a lone wolf. I feel out of sorts.

That of course is compounded by the fact that next week all the VPs of the company are coming here for a meeting. I just know they are going to go over my store with a fine toothed comb. I want so much to make Mike proud and to not embarass him... Perhaps it's just nagging self doubt and fear of the unknown. Ultimately, I don't want to lose this job and anything that threatens that weighs heavily on me.

I guess I shall have to double my efforts.

I found an awesome new band on KaZaA. They are called Apocalyptic and they play heavy metal style music on the Cello. Very cool sounds.

JMK

Well, here I am in Mississippi. We found a house out in the country on a farm outside a small town. I don't know if the kids like it too much, but I sure love it. It's great to come home after a long day at work and sit out listening to the sounds of the country.

Speaking of work... I absolutely love my job. In fact, there isn't really anything about it that I dread at all. All the people are a pleasure to work with and I am so excited about the possibilities in this place. It is the headquarters of Games Workshop in the South!! My boss, who is Vice President of GW operations in the South, is such a great guy. He is very intelligent and he treats everyone he works for like they are part of his retinue and not just an underling. He has never ordered me to do anything. He just imply suggests stuff and tells me all the time that this in MY STORE and that I govern it as I chose. All my life I have searched for a worthy man to serve and lay out my talents and effort. It is here that I believe I have found it.

Thank you God for bringing me to this place.

BTW - I have always heard stories of the Mississippi Moon and how it is brighter and bigger. It sounds ridiculous but I believe it is! Thats important for an old werewolf like myself.

The goons in my store pulled a nasty trick on me yesterday. My XO called me in and told me he need to talk to me. When I arrived everyone was there and they presented me with a going away present. Apparently, they stayed up late and made me a chainsword. It is so awesome. I couldn't believe they could make something like that and do such a great job. The sword was named "Grot Slayer" after an analogy I always used in training. It's a good thing I said my goodbyes and left because I couldn't help getting choked up a bit. I am so honored by what they did.

Well, we're getting down to the wire here. My wife has been working hard to get the apartment cleaned and I am working out my last couple days as the manager of the Supermall. I got a little sentimental last night because it was the last night of gaming with the goons. I like all those guys alot. In fact, I wish I could take them with me.

I'm a little stressed about getting to Memphis and looking for a house. I hate house hunting. Anyway, I've been trying to do some stuff online but have had little success. I get the impression that most of the business done there is through personal meetings. The internet is still a bit too new. I just have to keep the faith and trust that God has led me this far.

Lastly, I am bummed out because I have to find a home for my moms dog and our cat. We have no way to get them to Tennessee. Im hoping that my sisters here can take them. I just he I can get everything resolved by Thursday.

Well, it's official... I've been accepted for my new post with Games Workshop. We will all be flying to our new homeland next week. The company is graciously paying for everything and giving me a moving bonus. Granted, it'll be a bit tight especially while we're looking for a new place. But, I feel God's blessing in this whole endeavour so I have faith that things will work out. Remember the lillies of the fields.

I am so excited about this move. I'll be out of a mall and in a bunker store with a complete line of GW products including forgeworld. The whole operation is in the central distribution center for GW and will be a destination site for gamers. Which of course means that I'll no longer have to deal with dope heads wandering in the store asking for playstation games of mall rats banging my miniatures around like GI Joe toys. I'll be catering to hardcore gamers who are as excited and devoted to the game as I am.

I guess I'll go head and spill the beans about where we are going to live. The new store is just outside the city of Memphis. In fact, it's about 1/2 mile from the Mississippi state line. Hence, I'm hoping we'll end up living in Nothern Mississippi where property prices are really cheap. With a bit of luck and God's grace we'll own our first home sometime next year.

I got the word and I'm getting ready for my trip to the mysterious city that we may soon call our home. I've never been there but I've read alot of history about this place. Especially it's involvement in the American Civil War.

Games Workshop is such a great company. I really feel like they are investing in me and taking care of me. I am very loyal to the company. Which is a trait I never thought I'd possess. As you can read in past blogs I always swore off "company men". Now I guess I am one. Not that I have compromised my values. I guess I just never had a corporation take care of me and value my worth before. You live and learn... About the time you think you figured things out God comes along and proves you wrong. I guess I'll just have to continue to place my trust in him.

We had a nice time last night celebrating the 4th of July. We spent $50 and got ALOT of fireworks from the local stand. Most of them were your ordinary fountains but we got one box of mortars. In California we never had mortars and I was always afraid of people who used them illegally because they were allegedly "unsafe". However, shooting them off last night I found they were enjoyable and very safe as long as I followed directions. We got a dozen airbursts in the box for $10. I tell you... They were a hundred times better than crappy old fountains.

Anyway, Independance Day was fun. However, I missed three things. My BBQ grill, the company of close friends, and my Charlie... She is still in Southern California at a youth camp. I'm looking forward to seeing her when she returns next week.

Oh, one more thing... The other day I got to go see Terminator 3. It wasn't worth it. It had some nice effects but, the story line was goofy. Arnie was a bit off, and the whole thing was kinda rushed. It didn't have nearly the same intrigue as the first two movies. Though I must say the Terminatrix was HOT!!!

Well, I took a bold step today. One which I hope will change our lives for the better and take us to a place we can call home. I put in for a transfer to a store in the South. I won't name the city. But, its an old place with a long history, and anyone who knows me knows that I love history. We've been pricing homes there and were floored at the cost of a 4 bedroom house. Frankly, I'm paying more for my car then we would pay for a house there. We are talking about large homes with some acreage!!! That is quite a contrast to chip board, cookie cutter homes they've been selling in California and here in Washington.

My major worry at this point is if my boss passes on my request for a transfer. He is a straight forward and honest guy. But, I get the impression that he does not want me to leave. The way he talks it seems like he thinks if I stay here longer maybe this place will grow on me. I wish I could make him understand that I despise this place. It is like a second Mordor to me. The cold rainy days and the mold that grows on EVERYTHING!!! I am allergic to mold so I am in agony almost all the time. Especially when it rains. I have to take loads of cold medicine just to keep it together. Which of course makes me goofy. I only can hope that God makes him understand.

I got pretty mad last night. I went to the house of a customer to play a game with a few other Games Workshop employees. We all had a few beers and things got a little unsportsmanlike. I admit that I was a bit obstinate myself. However, what pissed me off is that one of my employees was there at the game and I felt like he was being a disrespectful to me. In fact, I really felt like he was purposefully trying to get me angry and embarass me. At one point, he was dogging me about rules implying that I was cheating. Perhaps it was the alcohol making me paranoid and making him an asshole. But, I left the game feeling betrayed by him and swearing not to return to their Thursday night games. In hindsight, it's probably best that I don't go back just because I don't want to be accused of inappropriate behavior.

To top things off I had a dream last night that I was in a large group of people including my wife and a few of my best friends from the past. We were playing a roleplaying game and having a great time. In fact, everything was perfect about the game. No bickering or dealing with hard feelings or grudges. Just playing a game and enjoying each others company just like in the old days. I woke up and spent the day today reflecting on my life. Sometimes I wonder if those days can ever be again. Or have I passed the best times in my life.

Finally, the last vestiges of my radio career are gone. Today I sold my $450 car stereo system my old radio station gave me as a bonus. I needed money for gas. I got a grand total of $30 bucks.

I'm wondering when it will stop raining here. We've had a couple nice days so far but not enough. I'm kinda getting bummed out by the weather. I've been wanting to put the soft top up on my Jeep but, everytime I think it's time to do it it starts raining again. YUCK!!

I'm nearing the end of my probationary period for my job. I hope my bosses think I'm doing good. Frankly, they just don't tell me if I am or not. Sales are still low and they haven't increased apreciatively since I arrived. However, we are busy with in-store events. It just seems like the people who attend don't buy much at all. However, everyone tells me that things have improved in many other areas. I'm a little frustrated at this point though. My boss wants me to do things to increase sales and I am not sure how. I follow everything I know and have been taught how to do. But, it doesn't seem like enough. I see the staff, and I remember how poorly they performed when I arrived, and how well they are doing now. I see progress. But, I'm afraid it is not quick enough. I pray to God that things go well for us.

I still dream about settling down in our own home. This apartment living and renting is the pits. I want very much to have my own yard and my own space in general. I had a dream the other night that we bought a house in Florida. We lived on the edge of a bayou with a small cottage behind our home, and in it lived my mother-in-law. I was sitting on a shaded patio with my wife. We were both sipping iced tea and watching my mother-in-law plant flowers with the kids. I remember it being hot and humid but we were all having a good time and laughing. Even with my mother-in-law there I hope that dream comes true.

Well, I must say I am getting used to my new life in Washington. I managed to take a couple days off from work and I've been relaxing around the house. Today, I had my bedroom window open listening to the birds outside while I painted. It seems like little things help me find my center.

Work is going good. On the bad side we missed our sales target by one percent in March. But, we are already ahead this month to hitting our target. The job is satisfying but, a little stressful. I'm hoping I get on a more even keel as I get fully adjusted to the job.

Lastly, the new Jeep is serving me beautifully. I got a 6 disc CD player installed a few days ago. So I'm enjoying my commutes to and from work alot more. I'm looking forward to warmer weather when I can take the top and doors off. It is so nice to have a new vehicle. Despite the huge payments and insurance cost I think I'll never buy a used car again.

Well, here we are in the metroplis of Seattle. I have but one thing to really say about it. I miss the Sun. It has rained every day for the past 3 weeks we've been here. I've been checking between my toes and fingers every day to see if I developed webs yet.

After a long and painful process I finally received my settlement check from the insurance company. A bad chapter in my life is finaly over. To celebrate I bought a brand new jeep Wrangler. I've never owned a new vehicle in my life. It is shiny black with a hard top. Her name is Tyra.

The new job is going well I think. I'm keeping pace with everything I need to learn, and I think I'm starting to turn the shop around. I might even hit our target sales next month. Frankly, I've been going overboard in setting up new campaigns for the existing players and starting beginners leagues for the old players. It has them pretty excited. Lets hope my philosophy of "If you build it they will come" works. I'd like to do this job as a career. I must remain vigilant to impress my bosses.

I think I've become estranged from my Armenian friend. I sense a hesitancy from him to communicate. Right now he's in the midwest training to become an electrician. However, before he left I felt the strain. He also promised me he would get my canoe from our old house and he didn't. Now I'm having to fight with the landlady to get it back. He just let me down on everything I asked him to help me with. This is frankly what I feared would happen when we moved away.

Lastly, I have nothing to say about the war with Iraq that started last night. May God have mercy on participants on both sides.

Here we are, hip deep in the moving process. We are getting rid of most of our stuff just so we can get a clean start where we are going. As it stands, we need to be at our new apartment by this coming Friday. I think we'll make it though I'm sure we'll be pretty worn out.

In many way I am looking forward to this move. It feels like we are setting out on a big adventure. That is a good thing I think. We as a family will get to experience new places and see new things, and who knows where we will end up.

Sadly though, it seems that all my friends and some of my family hate this move and take opportunities every chance they get to tell me so. I don't know what I can say to appease them. I've tried everything. It just boils down to two things, I can't make a living here, and this job is my dream job. I think I would regret it for the rest of my life if I let it go. I have too many things in my past that I regret. I don't plan to add this to the mix.

My Armenian friend seems to be the most disturbed by this move. I don't blame him. I'm just about the only one around that he can trust. Lately, he's been avoiding me a bit, and he gets depressed when he is around me. I think this is straining our friendship. I wish he could know how much I have agonized about leaving him. In many ways he is the only thing that has kept me here this long. I feel like I'm leaving him to the wolves with his ongoing case. It pains me greatly. In many ways though I feel that our fates our entwined somewhere down the road. I have to keep that in mind and have faith that God will see him through. Besides morale support, I think the best way to help him is through prayer.

In other news, for the past 5 days the wife and I have been following the Atkins diet. We bought the book last week and have been following the eating plan pretty faithfully. It's great because I'm having an easy time with it... unlike other diets I have tried. I also understand the scientific concept behind the whole thing. Basically, you cut out the carbohydrates. I'll keep you informed on my progress.

Oh, as a side note the diet book says you will experience a boost in energy. Well, that certainly is true. The wife and I have been having a hard time getting to sleep at night because we have so much energy. Last night we sat up until 1 AM playing backgammon and dominos.

Shame on me!! I haven't updated this thing in a long time. You avid readers out there will have to forgive me.

My "deployment" for Games Workshop got put off a whole month. In some ways it was good but in other ways it made things worse. Oh well. On a positive note I was able to work things out so that the whole family can move to Seattle. That makes me feel alot better.

Things didn't go well at my Armenian buddies hearing. Frankly, I've never seen such a shameless display of liars and dishonest, heartless people. I'm reminded of the book of Psalms where David writes about being set upon on all sides by evil men. I hope and pray that God will deliver him from this turmoil.

The car is still not fixed. The local mechanic wanted $1800 bucks to rebuild the tranny. Too much money!!! I'm towing the thing to Seattle and having a real mechanic fix it.

And finally, the most frustrating news of all... I still have not received my settlement from my injury. Apparently, the insurance company failed to take care of a few loose ends and the State board wants to review my case. Of course, they can't set a hearing anytime soon so I have to wait until next month before I know anything. DON'T EVER LET ANYONE LIE TO YOU... THE WORKER'S COMPENSATION SYSTEM IS BROKEN!!!

Well, it's getting down to the wire for my "deployment" to Seattle. I'm kinda upset because I do not have the money to take care of some important problems here at home. We will be getting our taxes and my settlement in a couple of weeks. But, our problems are looming now.

First and foremost, our beloved minivan is on it's last leg. I expect it to go belly-up at any time. Second, I have several unpaid bills from Mordor and here. I'm afraid that if they're not resolved soon we're gonna get sued. Lastly, I need to get a car for myself. I'd like to get a jeep or a small truck. All my life I've wanted to get a car for my own. Something I could go anywhere in. A Jeep would be perfect because I could go on 4WD excursions with my Dad and I could take the boy out in the sticks to see some old caves or historic sites. Basically, I feel like I want to get the vehicle that I want instead of hat someone else wants me to have(like my Dad).

"Gods and Generals" is coming out on the 21st of February. Guess where I'll be that afternoon.

Well, I'm now 32 years old. Yesterday I had a nice birthday party and everyone came over. The wife made BBQed steaks and we ate like pigs. She really made up for not getting me anything for Christmas.

Now, I'm just waiting to get my settlement so I can take care of some last minute things before I leave for Seattle. I found out today that our car is pretty much shot. A new transmission would cost about $1200 bucks. For that I could put some money down on a newer van. So, that's what we're gonna do when we get cash. I just hope it happens before I leave.

Speaking of cash, this week we filed our taxes and found out that we're getting over $4000 dollars back. That's the most ever!! Since my income was all from disability it's not counted. So, we only filed on my wifes income which is right on the mark to get the most back from earned income credit.

I'm still struggling alot with leaving. Lately, it's been a fear of losing touch with my Armenian friend here. For the past couple weeks we've been sitting at his house, drinking tea, and playing chess. I've been thoroughly enjoying the companionship. It's something I haven't had in a long time. It makes me lonely just thinking about losing that again. But, I know that this time is a test of faith. God wants me to give up that which is most important to me and trust in him that it'll be okay. This is the measure of a faithful servant.

It is pertty much official... Today I accepted a formal job offer from Games Workshop and I'll be headed to Seattle in 2 weeks. The deal is that I put in 3 to 6 months training for the position of Cell manager then the company will pay for my relocation to the East Coast... Hopefully Virginia. They are providing me a studio apartment in Seattle for 3 months at their expense. So, needless to say I have to leave the family here in California for a while. Frankly, that I fear will give me the most trouble of this whole plan.

My son is three years old and we are so close. I have so much fun playing with him and I take so much joy in his smiling face. It'll be very hard to live without him. Even for a short period of time! Also, my girls need my presence. They are at that tender age where they need guidance. I told them the news today and it got a little emotional. I'm just so afraid that something is gonna happen and they will need me. I guess I have to put their well being in God's hands and have some faith. He's guided me this far and I have to believe he won't let me down.

Another thing that disturbs me about this move is that I won't be around to help my Armenian friend. We've grown so close and I want to see him through his difficulty. I told him the news today and I could tell it bothered him that I was going. It's just so hard to find friends, I mean TRUE friends who will stick by you. I hate to leave in his hour of need. I've had so many fair-weather friends in my life. It kills me to be one to someone who means so much to me. He goes to his next court hearing a few days before I leave for Seattle. My prayer is... Oh God please listen... Is that they drop the charges against him then.

Well, I've succeded in getting myself upset thinking about this. I know I should be happy going to work for my dream job. It just feels like I'm leaving unfinished business.

Well, I'm back from Los Angeles. It took a one day whirlwind trip to the "City of Angels" to speak to Dave, the West coast VP of operations for Games Workshop. It was a productive meeting. I learned alot more about what the company has in store for me. Basically, they said I'm being groomed for a cell managers position which covers multiple stores. They intend to send me to Virginia after I train in Seattle. I'm really excited about the prospect. I really can't wait to throw myself into the position and prove myself to them. However, I got a weird sense of things from Dave. He said he wants me to experience every aspect of the job and expects it to take over a year to train me. Of course, that doesn't jive with what was told to me by the people in Baltimore. I'm not sure what to think. The job is better than I imagined but at the same time it means more time in the big city. All my life I've avoided living in such a place. I almost feel like I'm compromising my values to settle for Seattle. At the same time, I've heard that Seattle is alot like Mordor in that rains all the time and is cold and overcast for most of the year. YUCK!! I really don't know if I could endure that again! I fell under such a deep depression in Mordor. I'm afraid a similar place like Seattle would have the same affect on me. God I'm so ready to throw myself into this, but I still have alot of thinking and consideration to do. I just wish they'd let me move myself to Virginia and then go to work for the company there.

Then to top things off they told me they would feed me while I was there. But, after the interview everyone left for several hours and I had nothing to do but help paint some scenery. When they returned, no mention was made of lunch, they just took me to the airport and dropped me off. Of course, I only had a few bucks left and I couldn't afford to buy a meal at the airport. So, to make a long story short I went the whole day without eating anything more than a bag of peanuts on the plane. I hope they don't treat all prospective employees the same way.

Anyway, I'm waiting for this next week when I'm supposed to hear something from them. With a little luck and a prayer I'll be off and running soon.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a long while. I've been kinda down with a cold flu thing. It put a big damper on the holidays for me. Frankly, it's still kind of hanging on.

Christmas this year was good for everyone. I got my wife a greatcoat that she really likes. The kids cleaned up pretty good as well. However, I didn't get anything from anyone here, which kind of bummed me out. I thought it wouldn't affect me but it did. I guess it woudn't have been so bad if Donna would have got me something but, she said she was too busy to get me anything.

Tommorrow we are throwing a big party to celebrate Orthdox Nativity. We invited all our friends and bought about $200 worth of middle eastern food. It should be good. I even got a new gas BBQ for the occasion. Mmmm I can't wait to get Lamb Kebabs.