Today I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. I guess its finally hitting me that I lost my job. I don't want to do anything but listen to music and sulk. We're so far away from everything and everyone. I thought I was lonely and depressed before.

I applied for a position with the railroad in Siskiyou Co. It's a tough job that pays alot. If I get it I'll be following in my Father's footsteps. He worked that same job out of that same station for many years. In fact, I think he was about my age when he got the job. If I do get hired there I will at least have more in common with my Dad and have alot more to talk about with him.

I feel uterly usless... I have all these people depending on me for there very existence and I can't provide for them. I am bound to this fate and to their future. Yet I feel like I am not strong enough to live up to this task. It makes me hate the world even more and resent the heartless people who would fire someone a month before Christmas and at the very doorstep of winter. They brought me to this place far from my home, family and friends. Now they expect me to just go away because they think they don't need me anymore. Where is there justice or compassion. They hide their evil deeds behind the notion that it's "just business".

I sent an email to the company today demanding that they relocate us back to Siskiyou county. We'll see what they say on Monday