A dog can become a man. He can be taught to obey rules and conventions. He can be taught to know shame. But, a man cannot become a dog. Once he has learned shame, he may not unlearn it. Once he comes to hate what he is, it becomes impossible to know love again.
My mate spoke to me of the "big scary dog" she saw on the trail. She did not recognize me, but in her heart I think she knew. I stopped going to the trail, and remarkably enough the glorious curse did not come to me again. I saw the Burning Woman many times since, but she does not try to talk to me anymore. She just listens intently, as if she is waiting for me to say something.
I joined the Temple of Terrified Smiles and was eventually washed of my sins. But the Sacrificed God still knew, and he would not talk to me. The great blessings that he offered to others was denied to me, my love, and our family. In time, even the false shepherds sensed something. They smelled the beast, and I smelled their fear. So, we left.
I was with my son when he was very young. We were with what I thought were dear friends, out in the familiar woods that I had once joyously stalked the fearful many years before. I had forgotten about that time like a bad dream that had no meaning. So, I was a man.
In jest and humor, I played the laughing games that men play with one another. Yet, with corruption and loathing in their hearts, a disparaging word was said. The frivolity and brotherhood drained in an instance as a dire insult was given. The scars of rejection were tore open again, and the primal rage took hold. The rage of the beast that was nailed down by loathing and fear. He came to the surface. The glorious curse did not come but the wounded wolf did. He smelled fear, he smelled terror in the familiar forest that he once reigned supreme.
The joy of meeting a lost friend once again was intoxicating. But, it was not without a cost. My human friends were driven to terror. They ran, they collapsed, they cried out with tears. All of them trembled, except for my son, who stood by unafraid. Perhaps the Burning Woman had visited him?
Some time later, one of the men who had reconciled with me confided that he was terrified that day. He said he never wanted to see that side of me again.
