Funny thing about not being depressed or in despair is that I have less inclination to write down my feelings in my blog.
Yeah, you heard me right. I am not depressed. Sure, the melancholy bug bites me once in a while. But, I no longer have the months upon months of crushing self-hatred, despair, etc etc.
So, how did I beat it? Did I grow out of it? I still have problems, health wise I hurt a lot in my back and shoulder... just like before. We still struggle to pay our bills and keep food on the table. So, what is my secret?
I gave up...
I gave up pursuing a God that did not find me acceptable. I gave up feeling like I was sinful and unworthy. I gave up hating myself whenever I did something that Christianity regards as wrong.
The day I looked up at Mother Moon and realized that she has always been there for me. The day that I touched the earth and realized that Mother Earth did not judge or despise me, that she loved me and that I belonged in this day and this time. This was the moment that it all went away. This was the moment that I was set free to soar with the eagles.
Can you do it too? I don't know. It was an epiphany for me. These revelations came to me and I believed them. I did not doubt, I did not fret over the chains of an old life that was meaningless. I accepted them as truth, and I came to regret all the wasted time I spent in the Temple of the Sacrificed God.
Now, I do good deeds because I want to, not because I believe a judgmental God was watching. Now I stand up for the weak and the poor because it is the right thing to do, not because I am commanded by a God that won't do the very thing he tells me to do.
I realize that a true and good God would not want you to worship him/her, but would want you to live a good and happy life and be thankful for their gift of life.
Yes, I have lost friends and family because of this new way of thinking. Yes, I have been judged by those who do not understand. But, in my heart I am overjoyed and I could never imagine going back.
I soar with eagles.
