Well, it's Friday and no word yet from anyone. Another weekend of sitting around in uncertainty.

To make things worse, I can't seem to find anyone around here who even wants to play a game. The handful of people around here that I have any regard for won't return my calls. I suppose I could go to one of the local stores and hope to find someone for a game but that has backfired many times before. It's a long way to drive just to be disappointed. It's kinda funny because my training as a GW manager told me to never exclude someone wanting a game and to always have a game night scheduled. So much for a change in managment to improve the operation.

Oh well going there won't do any good...

Today I did alot of waxing philosophically. Like always I thought back to what I should have done. I've said it many times before, I should never have left Siskiyou County. We had it so good there in many ways. Now we are here and lost in a sea of obscurity. No friends, no family, no hope. The South is a big disappointment to me. Worse in many ways than the SUV driving soccer moms of California. Here it seems like everyone is lost in their own world. With little regard for anyone around them except for the people who walk in their own circles.

As I've written before, this attitude baffles me because I expected a land filled with courteous, hospitable, and heartfelt people. But, today I think I may have figured out how this attitude came to be. I hate to sound like I'm citing a stereotype but I think it has to do with the tension between blacks and whites and natives to outsiders. Every one of these groups were forced to live together, even integrate. In such a setting it is only understandable that people would be closed off to just about everyone around them. It just seems funny that in a place that has more Churches then gas stations there is less loving thy neighbor.

Back to Siskiyou County... I could have used my disability settlement to open a store or perhaps get some training in a local industry like the railroad. My wife was happy with her job and the kids were all comfortable with school and other pursuits. I had friends and was happy in the land that I considered home. It was a terrible thing I did in uprooting the family. GW was not worth it and this "great adventure" I set us out on was nothing more than a "great mistake". As I said before, every time we left Siskiyou County we were always worse off.

Now it comes down to looking to the future. How can we return to our home with no money. Two thousand miles to cover with 6 kids and a household. If I had a good paying job there like the one with Union Pacific it might be possible. I suppose we could pile everyone in the Jeep, tie our personal belongings to the roof, and make the passage. But, where would we be once we got there. The whole thing reminds me of a scene from "Grapes of Wrath". Might I add that that very story is the way my Moms family got to California in the first place. History repeats itself I guess.

So, I place my faith in God and hope he comes through. That unto itself is hard because God always extracts a heavy toll for his blessings. That toll being in the form of patience, perseverance and faith. Sadly, it is only faith that I have a supply of and that is strained by my lack of patience. But, like the lillies of the fields, our bills are paid, we have food, and we are relatively comfortable. We are provided for physically. We have the Church in Memphis so we are provided for Spiritually. The hard part is battling the mind that wants to despair and give up on hope.

God be with us through this dark time.