Well, the Doctor finally thinks he knows what's wrong with my shoulder. The arthrogram shows that I have a torn tendon. The good news is that I may be able to recover without surgery. The Doctor ordered me to do another month of physical therapy, then he will reevaluate me. Now things should get interesting because my former job has to decide if they want to take me back on modified duty based on what the doctor thinks I can do. I should find out by next week what they plan to do.

Today I feel a bit depressed because my oldest daughter got another deficency slip from school. I had thought that I motivated her enough last time. Now, I'm just broken hearted about the whole thing. I really don't know what to do. She's falling behind because she just doesn't do the work. It's not that she doesn't understand, it's because she's lazy. Now I'm faced with the task of pulling her out of cheerleading this summer. We already shelled out $50 bucks to enroll her, and we got my wifes boss to sponser her in the program. It seems like she is choosing to let everyone down.

As I write this I am watching "My side of the mountain" on TV. It brings me back to my childhood when I read the book. I used to dream of running off into the woods and living off the land. Yet when I look at myself now I am so far from that ideal. So far from what I wanted to be in life. Whether it's fate or God's will I don't know. But, I wonder how does a person reconcile such a thing. How do you live with yourself when you've given up on your dreams. Sure, I have new dreams now. But, each passing day I feel farther from the young man I was. So much has been lost. So many sins and wrongs have been done. I think the greatest gift God could give to a single man whould be to let him return to his youth to fix the errors of his past. It is sad that hindsight is the clearest.