Perspective

"And you bring me to my knees again All this time, that I can beg you please, yeah All the times that I felt insecure, yeah And I lift my burden out the door I'm on the outside I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside you're ugly You're ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you All this time that I felt like this won't end Was for you And I taste what I could never have It's from you All those times that I tried, my intention, full of pride And I waste more time than anyone All the times that I've cried All this wasted, it's all inside And I feel, all this pain, stuffed it down It's back again And I lie here in bed, all alone, I can't mend And I feel tomorrow will be okay I'm on the outside I'm looking in I can see through you See your true colors 'Cause inside you're ugly You're ugly like me I can see through you See to the real you" Staind - Outside So, I was listening to Pandora today and came across this song, that I had heard many times, but never really paid attention to the lyrics. Naturally, the song took on a different meaning when I finally did read them. In thinking about it I feel in many ways it explains how I feel about most people, especially the person that the last post on this blog is directed at. In truth, I have always felt like I am on the outside looking in. I feel divorced from social interaction, finding it to be illogical and at times frightening. I don't trust the human creature to be honest or sincere. That being said, often I feel I can look at someone and see their real side. Objective observation doesn't take long to reveal the ugly side of people. Perhaps I am deluding myself and being cynical about people instead of being open. Except that when I "read" someone who has pure, honest intentions it is like night and day. Rather it is like a cool breeze on a hot, stuffy day. The difference is stark. On that note, I have a friend that I have noticed seems to have a general disdain for anything innocent. In a recent conversation he described someone who was innocent about a certain subject as "nieve". Don't misunderstand, this isn't a snap judgement based on one conversation. This is an observation made over the course of decades culminating in a recent conversation. Anyway, I marvel at this perspective because nieve people are so easy to trust and enjoy, whereas one who is not has built sufficient guile to be dangerous. Perhaps overall this is what is wrong with our society, even the whole human condition. We have corrupted our way to an overabundance of guile with a deficit of innocence to balance it out.