I'm up late tonight. The howling of the wind on my bedroom window stirred a lonely spirit within me. I began thinking of my own mortality and the "legacy" I have left. I can say that taken as a whole, life is full of disappointments. Opportunities lost, harsh regretful words said in anger to loved ones, portents of ill things ignored. All these things can only be seen in hindsight, in the present they are witnessed with foolish eyes. Still when I look at my life as viewed from one who lives in the moment I see that things are not so bad. In fact, I am quite blessed.
What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? Shall it be a rushed affair with little to say? Or do you want a day long ordeal filled with much lamentation and regret? I say for myself I don't really care, I won't be there anyway. I am no great man, I have no wealth or legacy to leave behind. I have not impacted peoples lives in any positive way. I would even venture to guess that my passing would be a relief to some.
Perhaps what I will leave behind is this journal. Though I am quite sure that like me, it too will pass away. But, it remains here in this lonely, dust covered corner of the internet as a means for my loved ones to at least have a chance to understand me. You see, I did not write my ramblings down here for them to read, or as an extension of my vanity for the world to read. No, it is here simply for me. It is the sanctuary I come to in order to make sense of the demons that plague me.
