My faith and patience is being put to the ultimate of tests. The agent called back today and said the seller is waiting a couple of days to give me an answer because he wants to see the condition of the house for himself. Apparently, he hasn't seen the place in a couple of years. Anyway, it just means more waiting and crossing into our deadline for moving out of here. My fear is that the family may have to be uprooted in the course of a couple of days and we may have to stay in a motel. That will eat up so much of our money and cause such a hardship.
I have tried everything short of begging to have the landlady let us stay here for a couple more weeks. She is absolutly resolute and won't listen to reason. She is an extremely hard hearted person and I am sure she is going to start eviction proceedings tommorrow. But, what can I do. If we leave and stay in a motel it will chew up all our money and destroy our ability to buy a house.
This is so hard and my faith is shaking. I'm filled with so much rage and frustration. I just want to run and never look back. My thoughts have been dark as of late and it is really hard. I need inspiration and hope but it seems fleeting. Never have I been so close to my lifelong dream of owning a home. Yet it is so far.
I don't want to tell my wife because she has been so happy. She has had such a hard life with me yet she stays and clings to hope. Perhaps there is no hope with me. Am I destined to die a heartbroken pauper?
The pain and torment is too much for me to bear...
