I cried reliving old painful memories, and I marveled at my mindset in different phases of my life. I think everyone should keep a journal of their life and read it often.
Many things have changed with us, and many more have stayed the same. I still struggle painfully with my eldest daughter. Her grief and drama cuts me deep to my core, and I feel every bit of her pain. But, in my longing to be close to her I am easily manipulated and wounded by her. As of this writing, we are estranged. But I think about her every single day.
I have walked away and closed the door on several people whom I held great affection for in the past. One of whom is Emmerikus. His selfish and callous attitude had driven a wedge between us. Then, it was revealed to me by two of his children (on separate occasions) that he has had an ongoing sexual relationship with all of his daughters, since the time they were young girls. Worse yet, it all happened under our noses and we were too blind to see the signs.
I can honestly say I truly hate him and despise everything about him. I curse the fond memories we shared. I wish I had never met him, and I look forward to the day that he dies. I grieve for the innocent girls that I tried to be an uncle to.
That aside... I feel that I am living a pure and simple life. I go as far as saying I live a good life. We are quite blessed. I want to travel more. I want to take my wife to France, Rome and Armenia. I want to visit England. I know that my desires will come to life because we are working hard to be prosperous.
No more am I waiting for God or the Gods to hand us what we want. We have to take it ourselves by working for it. This is perhaps the best and brightest lesson we have learned and one I wish I would have really understood when I started this blog.
Wisdom is truly a wonderous accomplishment.
