First off... Happy Birthday Mom, you are missed.
In that light, I am approaching my own birthday and in characteristic fashion, I am in misery. I'm not going into why, that's been covered many many times in this journal.
This is compounded by the fact that this year is my 40th birthday, and a party is being thrown together for me at the last minute, and I get my college money the day before so I want to head to Chico to get buy what I need to be ready next week, but I can't because of this stupid party. I am wondering at this point if this party is for me or everybody else.
I guess I see it like this... a celebration of ones life, thrown together at the last minute without thoughtful planning and regard, is cheap and hollow and smacks of tedious obligation rather than love and consideration. It reminds me of the miserable birthday parties of my childhood that have brought me to this place of hating the "celebration" of my birth.
I really believe that at this point in my life the best gift I could receive for my birthday is simple solitude.
